(beat bowser in ‘super mario brothers I’ for the second time this week)
.
(‘super mario brothers II’ was always a bit too trippy for my tastes. but ‘mario I’ is a ‘absolute ‘masterpiece’)
(it also imparts important ‘life lessons’)
(the first (and most important): know where your warp zones are located. as crucial as ‘fire exits’ on a building)
(if you know where the warp zones are and are digitally dexterous enough to get to them, you can have the game beaten by the time the pizza man rings your doorbell)
(once i figured this out, i had the game beaten in 20 minutes flat. and then i ate an entire ‘pizza’)
(i pretended it was baked by ‘princess peach’)
(this is where the internet age of aggregate knowledge comes in handy)
(as children, we were forced to figure out these things on our own)
(sort of like how ‘the beatles’ used to travel to the next town to discover how to play the vaunted B7 chord as teenagers (they had E and A down cold by then)
(one of paul mccartney’s favorite recycled stories as he passes out gold nuggets to slobbering journalists)
(what he neglected to mention was that the man who taught them the V chord was a creepy old man who plotted to make the beatles his butt buddies)
(they barely escaped when scrappy ‘georgie’ nailed the old man square in the balls with his boot)
(a few years later, ‘david bowie’ wasn’t so lucky)
the risks of going it alone, i’m afraid.
(but all’s well that ends well)
(a few decades later, after a heart-to-heart with fellow method actor ‘robert deniro’, he came to his senses and eloped with a beautiful ‘nubian’ princess)
(‘nubian’ code for…)
(…anyway, once you figure out how to reach the warp zones, you only have to get through 8 levels to win the game (instead of ’32’))
(and besides a suspicuously low final score, no one will ever know the difference)
(just say you were too busy trying to rescue the ‘princess’ to worry about collecting ‘coins’ on the way)
((i’m still waiting for the ‘jewish version’ in which ‘mario’ is created from a dreidel made of clay)
(in an alternate sense, ‘warp zones’ can actually make the game more difficult for the inexperienced ‘gamer’)
(for with ‘warp zones’, you are zapped to the most difficult final levels of the game without building up an arsenal of 1-ups necessary for multiple takes of the same levels)
(there’s no fanfare at the end)
(you just discover the ‘princess’ and she tells you to push a button to play the game all over again in a slighty different format (‘same levels, new enemies’))
(this disturbed me)
(i rediscovered the deflating fact that over half of the game is (an absolute) ‘cinch’)
(as i conquered a fear of ‘virtual heights’ long ago and have built up skills in the ‘digital jumping’ department, the tricky death-defying jumps of the final levels posed no problems)
(i try to speed through the levels as fast as possible, learning naturally how to jump furthest to maximize speed (which the game rewards you for as each level is timed))
(the introduction of warp zones was an early attempt at video game programmers pandering to their consumers by allowing them to customize their own playing experiences instead of being forced to confront the challenges in the order laid out by the programmers)
(in ‘sonic the hedgehog’, ‘cheat code’ upon the title screen is (‘up’ ‘down’ ‘left’ ‘right’ / hold ‘A’ + ‘start’)
(oh the pleasures of a photographic memory!)
(allows the player to select any of the 18 levels)
(this means that a player can technically ‘beat’ the game by zapping to the ‘final level’ and easily beating the goofy ‘doctor robotnik’ (who reminds me of my high school biology teacher who ironically (or fittingly, depending where you fall on the misanthropic spectrum) used to take perverse pride in not having had any children)
(not that ‘sonic’ is very difficult anyway)
(as long as you have at least one ‘ring’ in your piggy bank, you don’t die (barring a slip into some ‘virtual abyss’))
(a game with a very capitalistic slant, mind you)
(the old man gave me shit for playing ‘mario’)
(he suspects i’m regressing by partaking in an activity that i used to do as a ‘child’)
(especially with the stigma of collecting ‘unemployment’ and living in the ‘parental basement’ for the time being)
(i don’t mind)
(he gives my champ similar shit)
(he assumes champ’s still afraid of everything (terrorist attacks, e coli viruses))
(i also played soccer at age 6 mind you)
.
(is he gonna give me shit if i decide to kick around a soccer ball on a warm sunny day?)
.
.
*“MARIO 2 JOURNALS”* ☞ 👉👉👉
.
.
👈👈👈☜*“SUPER MARIO BROTHERS 1”* ☞ 👉👉👉
*NES VERSIONS*
.
.
💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘
.
.
*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*
.
.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥