(first ‘christmas eve’ alone)
“persona non grata”
“you won’t find no picture of me…”
(even though ’emily’ was not going to be at the ‘crowley residence’ for christmas eve)
(because ‘ma’ (?) didn’t wan’t me around ’emily’)
(though i was never ‘physically violent’ towards ’emily’)
(just ‘insulting’)
(and ‘ma’ at times had interpreted my ‘body language’ / ‘tone of voice’ / ‘choice of words’)
(or was it emily’s ‘request’?)
(or the old man’s secret request?)
(much like ‘thanksgiving 2008’ @ ‘penn club NYC’)
(she was working as a nurse for the evening)
(just like her mother used to do)
(AI invited me to his parents’ house but i figured it’d be too difficult to navigate the ‘overnight trip’)
(feeling i was (probably) ‘unwelcome’ at the ‘crowley residence’, i e-mailed ‘mama’ late that night and told her i’d spend ‘christmas day alone as well)
(even though the ‘crowleys’ would begrudgingly allow me to attend)
she responded in the middle of the night insisting that i spend christmas night with the crowley clan.
she said she’d pick me up from princeton @ 9am.
she didn’t arrive until well after 9:30am.
at that point, i was a disheveled mess and still drunk from the previous night.
(running on 2 hours’ sleep, i must’ve looked like an ‘absolute train wreck’)
(as soon as she saw me at the front door, she said “maybe you’re right…you should stay here today”)
(at that point, we got into a (psychologically) violent argument and i insisted that she drive me to ‘basking ridge’ (if only to prove her wrong))
(while the rest of the family went to visit ’emily’ in ‘philadelphia’, i was picked up @ 5pm by my cousin ‘nick crowley’)
(i was not offered any ‘alcoholic beverages’ by ‘jimmy’ + ‘jacky’ and i felt uncomfortable ‘drinking’ (given my ((un)deserved?) reputation as an ‘unpredictable alcoholic’)
(‘aunt jackie’ later told me that i could ‘drink’ if i ‘wanted to’)
(just to ‘be nice’?)
(i ended up spending the night in the ‘guest room’ of the ‘crowley residence’)
(even thogh at the beginning of the year i was only allowed to stay a single night)
(at jimmy’s request)
(“i’ve seen you ‘drunk’ + ‘stoned’…”)
(‘nick’ and i took a few strong rips from his ‘bubbler’ in the ‘crowley basement’)
(then we chugged a few ‘beers’)
(still suffering from a ‘lack of sleep’ after preceding ‘sleepless nights’, i passed out sometime before ‘3am’)
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⬅︎⬅︎⬅︎ *BACK TO “CHRISTMAS DIARIES″*
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