*MY BEST IMPRESSIONS* –>
‘jackie chan’
(what is is good fo’…absawutewy nufing)
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“FALL 2018” –>
(bought a sandwich @ “jersey mike’s subs’)
(warren NJ)
(what constitutes a ‘jersey accent’?)
(was it that “coffee talk” SNL skit from my childhood?)
(the girl behind the counter looked vaguely familiar)
(i may’ve have had run across her ‘mug’ via ‘facebook’)
(horinka’s younger sister?)
(some short old man parked his sports car and entered the store after me)
(he seemed to be quite familiar and flirtatious with the girl)
(who was probably ~18)
(as i left she told me she ‘loved my accent’ as she made a sandwich for the ‘old man’)
(like ‘tarin’ brushing me off @ ‘caffe cielo’)
(like ‘bianca’ giving an ‘old man’ a lapdance before me)
(even though i asked first)
(that’s when he pulled the whole ‘well i’ve got to leave soon so it’s ‘now’ or ‘never'”)
(she probably knew i’d be a push-over and agree)
(but i really wasn’t all that bothered by it)
(because on an emotional level she said with him in earshot that she just had to give this ‘old guy’ a dance before she got to me and she made a ‘running motion’ with her hands to indicate she was trying to get it out of the way as quickly as possible for me)
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“SPRING 2018” –>
(cute CVS cashier @ 24-hour park slope CVS)
(said i sounded “irish”)
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JUDY ANDERSON:
(summer 2011)
(you sound like ‘heath ledger’ in ‘lords of dogtown’)
(‘identity’)
(southern californian?)
(british?)
(alien?)
(new jersey accent?)
(mostly i just mumble)
(or rather, trail off when i get the sense that my intended audience isn’t likely to understand (or care about) the point i’ve started to attempt to make)
(according to christine hauer, i ‘slur my words’)
(emma and i made fun of my ‘faggy’ speaking voice)
(and at the scarlet pub one listener was really surprised at my mild-mannered speaking voice after hearing me sing)
(tess barton thought this was a purposeful move on my part)
(aunt tammy noted that i didn’t cough forcefully)
(ostensibly to ‘protect my vocal cords’)
(las vegas flight – september 2005)
(the davidic ‘double laugh’)
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*MY ADOPTED ACCENTS*
“chaahhlie….ya bum!”
(talking out of one side of my mouth)
(to the annoyance of uncle tony + the old man)
(who both answer the phone in the same way: “hello?”)
(as if passively and resignedly preparing for some vocal onslaught)
(nobody likes to hear their spoken voice played back to them)
(but i’ve gotten used to it through prodigious self-recording)
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💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘
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*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*
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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥