-as of [27 DECEMBER 2023]–
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“12 tenets of humor”
“roundtable comedy”
derived from 4 basic “humors” of the greeks
blood
yellow bile
black bile
phlegm
ever notice how self-conscious these roundtable comedic TV programs are in these recessionary days? everybody’s got something to promote and minimal time to promote it. the wittiest one wins. the one who seems like he doesn’t have an agenda comes out looking the best. this is usually the guy who’s most financially secure. in an age where we’re bombarded with so-called reality television, i appreciate it all the more when things go awry in formal tv programs. like when reporters and newscasters get catty with one another. you can’t fake those things.
i found it amusing while watching ‘chelsea handler’ on E! when the conversation veered in a direction that one panel member couldn’t follow. so he was silent for such long stretches that whenever he made a tepid effort at a comment, he’d get nothing more than polite laughter from the audience (who are probably all being shown signs saying LAUGH NOW!) so his jokes got cruder and cruder, and they all inevitably referenced his penis. and it wasn’t funny.
so i imagined how i’d like these moments do go down:
(in a perfectly honest world)
token black: (under baited breath) ‘let me squeeze in a mothafucking joke here, got an album dropping this week’
sarcastic jew: “ok ok, just don’t make another joke about your penis”
token black: “imma kill you”
sarcastic jew: “ok ok, just just, make it funny then. though given your track record, it’ll probably involve you stabbing me with your penis. And do you want all your potential ‘fans’ to remember you for that?’
(audience overhears entire exchange secretly microphoned and broadcast)
(chelsea can’t even make it comfortable again)
all hands folded uncomfortably as the police are carefully summoned with a patented chelsea breast signal
nervous shuffling of feet in unison is the only sound coming through to TV audiences
IN CONTROL ROOM:
(with sign reading ‘chelsea’s handlers’)
neurotic jewish producer:
‘OK, chelsea looks relaxed, tits look sufficiently plump, as do lips. can we get a bit more cleavage on camera 3?’
‘and chewy, apply a bit more powder to his nose. make him look more like the dirty mexican we know he is’
*cue cartoon chelsea handler performing fellatio on E! logo (which turns out to be just hugh hefner)*
(cut to dressing room:)
(chelsea, cum still dripping from lips, throwing JAP tantrum demanding marijuana for pre-show ritual:)
*need dope to make jokes, otherwise i’m an absolute bore*
sarah silverman ambles in to smoke her up.
‘gee thanks, sarah’
‘no problem, japs stick together, remember?’
‘um…since when?’
(whew, talk about reality TV!)
“12 tenets of comedy”
self-deprecation
senseless cruelty
simple stupidity
libidos gone haywire
gluttony gone haywire
delusional dummies
bodily functions
racism
sexism
pop culture (trash audience’s taste)
politics (trash audience’s beliefs)
absurdity (dadadadadadada)
(i should probably also add ‘manipulation of collective discomfort’ to the list. that’s what made seinfeld/stiller/most modern jewish comedians so popular)
the sole difference between weirdo and retart?
the retart gave up from the very start
the sole difference between weirdo and hero?
the so-called weirdo wore out his welcome
‘the art of the fart’
fart humor can be taken to much further extremes. and it will. believe me, it will…
(laughing outside at some dude chatting on his cellphone)
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*👨🔬🕵️♀️🙇♀️*SKETCHES*🙇♂️👩🔬🕵️♂️*
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💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘
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*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*
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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥