.
“emma claire wolin”
(cue *queen bee*)
a beautiful young girl is routinely subject to sexual abuse by family + friends
she lands at slutgers university as a certified sexpert
accompanied by his drummer “roboray”, joga attends a hipster hoedown @ rutgers
(*cue “more americana”*)
*joga meets emma at a rutgers open mic the following week*
(*cue “emma”*)
(they begin dating)
(“sibling rivalry”)
emma: “i love your brother”
emily: “i hate him”
emma: “i love him”
emily: “good luck”
“weirdo valentine”
emma blows off her boyfriend on valentine’s day…
he’d loaded up on viagra in the movie theater restroom and is left with a raging hard-on…
still he brings her back to her old man’s house after they watch “sixteen candles”…
she gives him a quickie handjob as her old man waits patiently in the hallway…
then she shuffles him out the door…
(‘my tummy hurts…’)
(from all the cheap movie theater food they’d gorged themselves on that evening)
(cue *valentine’s day*)
a nebbish jew father and his voluptuous young daughter emma enjoy a romantic valentine’s day dinner…
(but he can’t take his eyes off her ample cleavage)
emma:
“dad?”
richard:
“sorry dear…you were saying?”
(fat black mama: “girl you’ve got more daddy issues than a bucket of porn stars!”)
joga and emma break up during her senior spring of high school…
he takes her for granted (and is uninterested in sex)
(he’s running out of money for viagra)
(and wants to save his stash for other girls)
(and he
she is likewise uninterested in his music…
he lies to her and tells her that he’s going to a gig in boston
he ends up getting loaded on a bottle of vodka and unleashing his rage in an epic facebook rant
(fueled by emma’s “ironic” posting of rebecca black’s “friday”)
(as he notes that she never promotes his own music on her facebook wall)
she breaks up with him over the phone after ignoring his calls for days…
(whereas she had always been the one to call him first)
he thought he would be relieved but he soon wants her back…
now she won’t take his calls…
(*cue “oh! darling”*)
she subsequently enrolls in the new college of florida…
she meets a hipster named “jennifer junky”
(who gets her hooked on heroin)
after a stint in rehab, she becomes a “born-again christian”
(over her athiest jewish father’s objections)
closeted lesbians infiltrate her delicate psyche and convert her to a particularly brutal strand of “feminism”
(cue rush limbaugh denigrating “feminazis” on the air)
joga reunites with emma…
she is goaded by her feminazi associates into falsely accusing a young man of “date rape” after she refuses his kiss on their first date…
he is bailed out by AI…
(as the trial date nears, he begins drinking heavily in his parents’ basement)
(cue *the wagon*)
*HARAKIRI*
(“romeo and juliet”)
the falsely accused man stages a faux-suicide…
(*cue “AAA”*)
the woman is overcome with guilt and kills herself by overdosing on ambien…her suicide note clears the man’s name…
(as she fades into oblivion, she imagines a heavenly marriage with joga)
(as the gatti family mourns in the north plainfield house with the old man)
(cue “wedding bell blues”)
.
.
🏋️♀️🎶🏋️♂️♩🏋️♂️♪🏋️♂️♫🏋️♂️♬🏋️♂️🎵🏋️♀️🎶🏋️♂️♩🏋️♂️♪🏋️♂️♫🏋️♂️♬🏋️♂️🎵🏋️♀️🎶
👈👈👈☜*“GIRL NEXT DOOR”* ☞ 👉👉👉
*THE PLAYLIST*
🏋️♀️🎶🏋️♂️♩🏋️♂️♪🏋️♂️♫🏋️♂️♬🏋️♂️🎵🏋️♀️🎶🏋️♂️♩🏋️♂️♪🏋️♂️♫🏋️♂️♬🏋️♂️🎵🏋️♀️🎶
.
.
💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘
.
.
*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*
.
.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥