*5 august 2014*
(tuesday)
“the 30th anniversary”
cheryl gave me a monthly bus pass + haircut
(really the old man paying for all this)
(so roughly $500)
(plus all the food + transportation she’s provided me over the course of the year)
the old man left me a voicemail asking what the plans are for the birthday…
i didn’t bother calling him back…
not sure i want him there…even though he is really the one paying for the dinner…
i told michael anthony (the NYC expert) that i craved steak…he suggested wolfgang’s (locations in both tribeca + midtown)…4 park avenue…(212) 889-3369…figured we go to the midtown location since it’s closer to michael anthony…and i figured i’d be arriving in NYC via penn station…he offered to make the reservation…it’s embarrassing that i can’t even afford to go to a fine restaurant at age 30…i wonder if anyone else will wish me a happy birthday…emily likely will not…
AI plans on making the tuesday dinner…jessica will be taking the kids that night…
i want to drink heavily that night…although i know all eyes will be on me every time i order a gin + tonic…
everyone’s expecting me to move to NYC before the 30th birthday
i wonder what i will get for my birthday…my family won’t give me money because they suspect i’ll buy booze…something i can pawn off?…they’ll rationalize that they’ve already given me so much money over the years that i don’t deserve anything for my birthday…just going out to dinner…
gotta ask for birthday presents…i month train pass from trenton to NYC would be nice…that’d probably run real steep (as it would cost over $900 / month if i took a round trip there each day)…all i really need is food…
cheryl agreed to get me the month train pass next week (when we will allegedly go hiking)…she’s been working all week…without jude’s help…although they split all profits 50/50…she’s going down the shore anyway…wants me to reunite with the old man for the 30th birthday…
get a haircut and shave on your 30th birthday
chatted with AI…i should invite him to the 30th birthday…
he really just wants to make sure the old man comes to my birthday…not even emily…
i’ve reached a new plateau…
turning 30…
the old man seems to want to attend the birthday dinner (just so he won’t have to feel badly about it later)…if i can reap no monetary rewards then what’s the use of him spoiling the celebration…
emily surely won’t come…figures that my day will be overshadowed by the old man as i’m ignored by the young girl…
and then it’ll be all about that “you are a failure” overtone in the air…age 30…unemployed and on welfare…living in a fleabag motel in a new jersey ghetto…about to get off welfare…reliant on parents for food…no fans of art…no upcoming performances or recent releases…out of shape…unkempt…no girlfriend or lovers…with a lingering “substance abuse” problem always a scapegoat…
on monday i started planning for the 30th birthday…i called up the old man and invited him…i had to go through michael anthony to get to him…he was curt because i hadn’t returned his voicemail earlier in the week…but he still agreed to come…
then i needed to get through to emily…left a voicemail but she wasn’t answering her phone…and mike wasn’t able to help…cheryl finally told me that she agreed to come…
called up aunt tammy and she said she’d call the old man to figure out the details…
called up uncle jimmy and he said he’d try to make it…it took me too long to find the # for aunt jackie…also casually invited nick (and his girlfriend) and roboray…neither of them could make it…
cheryl was annoyed that i started inviting people at the last minute…but she agreed to try her best…
forced myself to get my shit together on tuesday…showered and brushed my teeth…got all my belongings together for the trip to NYC…decided to post the “timber” video to facebook…nothing else was ready…clark cotton dug it…he also gave a facebook wall post…
chatted with doctor green before his trip to croatia…mike called at 7:30am to wish me a happy birthday…
other than that i got hardly any birthday wishes on facebook:
james chou
rich bauer
raoul graves
alberto AJ morales
joseph falgares
jackie crowley
no chicks (much less hot chicks) bothered hitting me up…
despite inviting both of them the day before, jimmy and tammy didn’t bother calling on my brithday…nick sent a last-minute text message…even roboray didn’t call…magic dan called while my phone was off…
so cheryl said she made the reservations “for 7 or 8″…jimmy told her he couldn’t make it and he didn’t want nick traveling in the city without him…this seemed suspicious…nick has traveled without them to 2 of my new york shows…
i knew it’d be tough getting through the day on no sleep…i tried my best to keep it together until cheryl arrived at 1pm…
she had to go to the bathroom so we went to burger king…she got me a chicken sandwich / large fries / large coke…i needed something flowing through the system…
she gave me a blank check at hair extraordinare…we were there well before 3pm…read magazines in the waiting area…a middle-aged blonde lady washed my hair…vinny cut the hair / shaved the eyebrows / shaved the beard…$30 overall…i forgot to put the washing lady’s tip on the check…oh well…cheryl said she’d cover it next time she was in…
waited outside for cheryl to arrive…
saw the old man sleeping in my old bedroom…i awkwardly said hello and started getting changed…i was looking good and decided not to take a second shower…let AI know about the plans…went on cheryl’s laptop and posted the video to youtube…
then the old man drove the 3 of us into nyc ’round 4:30pm…i took the backseat…a silent car ride…took the holland tunnel as the lincoln tunnel had too much traffic…we went to a parking garage next door to the restaurant…didn’t listen to any of my music on the way over…
emily met us at wolfgang puck’s at 200 east 54th street (cross street 3rd avenue)…she had a presentation for nursing graduate school at NYU and got there early…i had 2 gin and tonics at the bar…AI and michael anthony arrived after we were seated…got a pinot grigio for the table…even though red wine goes with steak…AI gave me $100 and a card…the parents and mike both brought cards…i didn’t care much about the food…i wanted to get as blitzed as possible although i knew cheryl would be eyeing me down…didn’t eat any chips or bread…just a bacon appetizer and crab meat…
got the porterhouse steak for 4 for the men of the table…medium rare…with creamed apinach…i started craving a cigarette so AI went with me to buy a pack of newports…then the food arrived…i wolfed mine down when i saw i was falling behind…
i was loud and obnoxious as the drinks flowed…but this only served to break the ice…especially with emily…who came outside for me for two cigarettes and noted how quickly i was smoking them…at one point i started singing and the old men told me to keep it down because other patrons were looking at us…i was drinking gin and tonics and white wine…i also went on a jesus rant as well as a rant against israel and the jews…the old man supported israel but michael anthony did not…i inappropriately kissed emily on the lips…cheryl read me a poem…i started gushing everyone with praise…got some cake and ice cream as i sang happy birthday to myself along with everyone else…then i got my belongings from the car and went back with AI…we parked in my old east village neighborhood on 9th and 1st…i took a piss outside but no one seemed to notice…we moved to several more bars…i got turned down repeatedly…two girls claimed they were on a date…we were going to go to washington square park so i could play some tunes but decided to head out of the city before midnight…AI bought me another pack of newports…
AI gave me a tour of the rental house on johnston drive…then we went on the back deck and smoked some bowls…i continued chain smoking cigarettes as AI started dipping…i got thoroughly stoned (but i was also exhausted)…we probably crashed ’round 3am…i slept in the guest room…wild closed-eyed hallucinations quickly turned ugly…
jimbo gave me $75 and a birthday card…
i chastised mister batt for not wishing me happy birthday via facebook…he told me that he was traveling with his wife…
cheryl wanted to do alfie’s wednesday at 7pm…jackie said nathan had football tryouts until 8pm…like the entire family needed to be present…i’ll just go back whenever i go hiking with cheryl…
cheryl will pick me up @ 5pm…will she drive me back to the motel?…i’m afraid to ask…and i have no money for a train…and she knows i SHOULD have money (the $98 check / lying about busking)…did she assume that AI gave me birthday money?…
we’re going to alfie’s…will jimbo give me some dough?…
nick and jim are picking up a car at 6pm?…7pm dinner…the old man will be having a “work dinner” (yea right) and emily is down the shore (yea right)…well that eases some tension…i wonder if abigail will bother showing up…i may as well get plastered and then go to ivy inn karaoke…give cheryl some new tracks on flashdrive…
so cheryl hit traffic (as usual)…
she came ’round 6:45pm…
with food and clean clothes…
i pretended to have more laundry than i really did…
(to disguise the fact that i hardly ever change my clothes)
we stopped at walgreen’s to buy her a 4GB flash drive
(so i could give her my music)
but it’ll have to wait two weeks…
she’s going to chicago (again)
alfie’s doesn’t have a liquor license (bummer)
and cheryl didn’t bring wine
the whole crowley family came to dinner
and gave me $75 with a card
abby didn’t look so good
it was stilted conversation
(until jackie started pouring the two bottles of red wine)
i went with coke and water
and caesar salad
and fried calamari
and a veal chop
(i donated my bone to the crowley dog)
i sat at the head of the table
(nick to my left / cheryl to my right)
cheryl gave me her leftovers
and we did another one candle birthday cake…i actually ate the cake this time…
and a double espresso for dessert
i was even scrounging for cigarette butts outside while pretending to go to the bathroom
some cute girls there getting ready to go back to college…
(nick leaves sunday)
“30TH ANNIVERSARY”
(@ wolfgang NYC with the family)
(and AI)
(monthly train pass as family gift)
@ the mounts motel
(lawrenceville NJ)
931 facebook fans
spent new year’s day by myself
(@ mount’s motel)
recording “everest album”
(plagued by computer shutdowns)
(need to get software updates for computer)
(which means i need to take the imac somewhere that has an internet connection)
(which requires a car)
(cheryl has promised to drive me back to watchung)
(until the refrigerator was unplugged and the computer started operating normally)
texted the old man a happy 61st birthday
(january 9)
(no response)
applied for 12-month extension @ mount’s motel
(because i was now required to attend “new horizons treatment center” in trenton NJ)
(and therefore i “could not work”)
(9 hours group sessions / 1 hour individual session / weekly drug test)
(need to see psychiatrist 3 times before she will sign off med 1 form)
(i can only see the psychiatrist once a month)
(first appointment in february 2015)
(she prescribed me ambien)
(i have medicaid coverage and can get free prescription drugs)
(make appointment to fill viagra script)
(next appointment is monday apro 20th)
slacking on new horizons group sessions
(and testing positive for THC + alcohol on urine tests)
(and benzos)
(because of a single clonopin pill)
(one clean urine test so far)
(meaning THC level was below “50”)
(workfirst threatening to raise level of care to 20 group sessions / week)
(or a month-long rehab program)
(because of repeated positive urine screening tests)
lost blackberry / digital camera / external hard drive / CDs / carryon bag
(after blacking out in the lower east side on a saturday night)
(because i had nowhere to crash)
(roboray didn’t answer my calls)
(because i went to pianos NYC to see his shitty band play but came too late)
cheryl bought me a verizon flip phone
(and continues to pay my cellphone bill)
performances:
rail house 1449
(rahway NJ)
(7 january 2015)
(open mic night)
(arv on drums)
nassau street
(busking)
(20 january 2015)
rejected in first round for “the voice”
(24 january 2015)
NY Penn Station
(busking)
(24 january 2015)
scarlet pub
(new brunswick NJ)
(25 january 2015)
(open mic night)
(gandharva on drums)
ivy inn
(princeton NJ)
(31 january 2015)
(kyle whitmore on drums)
(collected $213 in door fees)
(then bouncer eric shut us down before midnight)
(because i broke a B string while playing “dear prudence”)
NYC subways
(busking)
(21 february 2015)
washington square park
(busking)
(2 april 2015)
friends:
arv
(drummer)
(lives in lawrenceville with his family)
(mother + stepfather)
(his birth father lives in san francisco with his new family)
(working at a local cafe on weekdays)
(getting a car from angel soon)
andrew ellis
(bassist)
(high school bandmate of gandharva)
gonzalez cut off ties after accusing me of “being a spy” for his “ex-girlfriend”
(i never met her)
(and i don’t think she exists)
drugs:
several robotrips
(700+ mg DXM)
benadryl tripping
ambien
booze
dope
reconnected with mellow in the east village
(quarter for $120)
(ounce for $450)
bought a $14 bowl at a smoke shop on saint marks
GIRLS:
CATHERINE STUCK
ROOFTOP TOOTSIE ROLL
KARINA ANN KOEHLER
(april 2015)
(met her at WSP party on saint marks)
(hooked up in tompkins square park @ midnight)
(20-year-old redhead college dropout from new jersey)
(two hookups)
(i still have to have sex with her)
(she is in boulder for a month)
(ends ‘5 august 2015’)
(wednesday)
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⬅︎⬅︎⬅︎ back to *“OUR YEARS ON EARTH″*
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