"a smoker's diary"

“OUR SMOKE BUDDIES”

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*26 JULY 2016*

(i ran out of money on the wawa card)
(and have to wait for it to refill before i can buy more cigarettes @ wawa)
(how delerict can i get?)
(my mother is unwittingly supporting my habits)

(tried looking for butts outside mercer county library)

(and last night i found a few semi-full cigs in the cigarette bins)

(marlboro red is my current cigarette of choice)

Lung cancer claimed Ayn Rand and George Harrison

cigarettes seem to be a sure sign of poor taste / low rent nowadays.  unless you happen to have the privilege of living in new york city.  then you suddenly are seen through a whole new lenses.  a sharper image if you will…

smoked a cigarette
2nd cigarette of the day
(it felt great!)

cigarettes make your breath stink
3 cigarettes today?
5 cigarettes already
cigarette #6
cigarette 7
i need cigarette #8…

i’ll need a cigarette to mix it up soon…

cigarette 2
(7 cigarettes left)

(20 cigarettes in a pack)

down to last cigarette
(one so far today)

time for cigarette #2

had another cigarette

out of cigarettes

scuba gives me pall mall cigarettes

“paille maille” is a precursor to croquet

i then bummed a cigarette off scuba

(i’ve run my limit with him)

and two cigarettes

bummed another cigarette off “scoobs”

james gave me another cigarette and a half last night

(they all seem generous here)

smoked another pall mall in exchange for giving scuba a shot of vodka

after he introduced me to “kevin” (a steve-o / frusciante clone who was playing video games and refusing to drink + smoke cigarettes) and the rest of the gang, i smoked a bowl with them and took several shots of whiskey (chased with water)

(his actual name is “theodore”)

(and he DOES smoke cigarettes!)

(i even bummed one off him)

james gave me his last pall mall cigarette

(but i dropped the empty pack he threw to me twice)

(the third time he mooned me and i caught it)

now they are all gonna wanna hang in my room because of air conditioner

(scuba and gregory invade)

(each for the price of a cigarette)

(this is just like jail!)

scuba gave me another pall mall

theodore gave me another cigarette

now james is smoking blue container of pall mall (as opposed to red container)

smoked 2 of james’s blue pall mall’s

(he gave me one / i stole one / and then we shared one)

and now scuba buys USA gold in a pall mall container?

my throat is getting scratchy from all this cigarette smoking

who pulled up to the house at 4am to give james cigarettes?

“i haven’t had a cigarette in 2 hours…” (says james)

it was mark (his sister’s ex-boyfriend?)

scuba offered me another cigarette after he realized i didn’t set the mousetraps

(he’s afraid of shawn)

shawn borrowed 3 cigarettes from james (who was downstairs)

he hid them in the microwave so i wouldn’t take them?

then he forgot he put them there…

i was forced to share all of them

scuba gave me a cigarette and vented

i drank a redline and chewed tobacco from the left side of the mouth all day

baruch is a good driver (much like thomas)

and a cigarette

(shawn also shared a cigarette today)

and another one this morning

(as i scrounged for cigarette butts and packed a tobacco bowl with them)

shawn gave me a drag from scuba’s last cigarette

went through pouched skoal’s in two days

(nobody else in the house will chew tobacco…

$10 limit for debit card at “singin” gas station

(so i also bought a ‘tropicana grape juice’ + a ‘monster’)

(came to just under $10 but the arabic gas station owner let me slide)

(as they often did at cornerstone liquors in lavallette)

smoked two cigarettes

(had to share with shawn ala scuba)

(won $20 on his “numbers” and he’s looking to get more)

one and a half cigarettes courtesy of scuba

(in exchange for two shots and hours of wasted time due to shawn getting belligerent)

and smoked several cigarettes

(smoked 4 cigarettes already)

as shirtless james smoked a cigarette on his bed

it still smells like cigarettes in my room

(and more chewing tobacco)

there are cigarette holes in my bally uniform

i’ll get no more cigarettes from james

(although he uses my cellphone to call his drug dealer)

(so i’ll be arrested!)

smoking cigarettes has a laxative effect

a cigarette is 37 cents

a shot is 33 cents

finish the rest of the vodka and cigarettes

(then get healthy)

shawn woke me up and took a cigarette (had to use the phone)

3 cigarettes left?

stole 3 of scuba’s cigarettes around midnight

(i was feeling down)

scuba gave me cigarettes for shots

(then i went and robbed shawn’s cigarette)

(scuba bows down to “the boss”)

(and smoked cigarettes all evening)

(smoked 8-9 cigarettes in all after splitting pack with gregory)

also, i’m paranoid about the effects of cigarettes on my voice
(don’t smoke any more cigarettes)

3 cigarettes today

i used to buy the packs from the local liquor store “spirits limited” (there they seemed a few cents cheaper than at the supermarket).  but their hours were more limited than the local “stop n’ shop”.  the only ever time i’d been to a “stop n’ shop” when was visiting my old disgusting outsider goofball poverty-stricken pal kevin franken at his job in the berkeley heights NJ branch…

stop and shop closes 10pm sundays
(11pm all other nights)

never smoke cheap cigarettes….spend the extra dollar…”USA golds” (introduced to me by the poverty-stricken roommates in brick) taste like fucking shit…

NEVER buy copenhagen “short cut” chewing tobacco…so messy!

SO HARD to buy chewing tobacco @ rite-aid…always gotta direct the idiot old woman behind the counter to get what you want…and every day there’s something different…now i buy “wolf” chewing tobacco…why can’t i just pick up my own chewing tobacco and bring it to the counter?

i can’t afford cigarettes these days
(although i now have a new mccaffrey’s card to spend on cigarettes)

i’m always self-conscious about turning potential lovers off with a cigarette habit…
part of me digs posting cigarette-smoking pictures on social networking sites…
part of me thinks it could be a turn-off to certain chicks…

i consistently cough up white mucus whenever i smoke cigarettes…

so i started smoking my cigarettes in the front yard…only to hide them from john the drunk…i can only smoke cigarettes in the dark (or else the landlord will chew me out because i told him i “wasn’t a smoker” when i signed the lease)…

february 2014:

bum two cigarettes and a lighter from a black truck driver as i walk back to the motel

bummed cigarettes @ palmer square as i waited for the bus

got a cigarillo from a grizzled vietnam vet…he recommended i get a skin graft for my nose…and i even gave him my phone #…

bummed more cigarettes

i just need a cigarette

one more cigarette

and cigarettes don’t do anything for me anymore

now i’m getting a cough
(from the pack of cigarettes)

bummed a cigarette while waiting for 4:30 bus

(i could sure use a bummed cigarette)
(though that will only hurt me in the end)

bummed a cigarette from a black chick

bummed a cigarette from “pedro” the cleaning man

clearing all the cigarette gunk out of my throat
(gotta get my upper vocal range back)

bummed a cigarette but it doesn’t do anything for me anymore

gabriel gave me a rolled cigarette
(although he himself doesn’t smoke)

pedro has no cigarettes

i bummed a cigarette from a middle-aged lady

i spent monday night drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and mixing down music

now i guess i’ll finish the rest of the 12-pack and my cigarettes

i downed a beer before i left and smoked a cigarette

i smoked two cigarettes outside and bonded with the people in the program

i went through a pack of cigarettes in ~2 days

smoked two cigarette butts i found on the highway

i need some tobacco

should i smoke in the bathroom?

or will that come back to bite me in the ass as well?

pedro the janitor wouldn’t even sell me a cigarette…

26 june 2014:

searching in vain for cigarettes…

resist the urge to pick up stray cigarette butts…
(or bum cigarettes)
(some skanky old bitch refused me outside the lawrence CVS)

i saw cute princeton girls smoking cigarettes but i didn’t bother trying to bum any…
(even though this would be a good way to start conversations with cute girls)

i attempted to bum one from a young hispanic chick outside the quaker bridge mall…
(she claimed it was her “last one”)

smoked cigarette butts all day…

and smoke cigarette butts…

still have cigarette butts left over…

meanwhile i was smoking cigarette butts to ward off the withdrawals…i finally cleaned them up and threw them out so the motel staff wouldn’t give me shit…i tried working on more video editing but i felt too jumpy and paranoid (although the final cut program was running very smoothly)…i’m still just going through all my old “documentary” compilations and trying to take elements from them to insert into new videos…

i was smoking cigarettes outside…and i felt wobbly…

the last cigarette butt felt good…i should’ve saved more cigarettes…i’ve gotta pick up that check before 2pm tomorrow…the withdrawals have ceased…stick to budweiser…

i foolishly smoked the dirty cigarette after much deliberation…the powdery white ashes made me throw it out after a few puffs…but it still felt good…couldn’t find any worthwhile cigarette butts during my walk to the liquor store…another beautiful summer evening and i’m stuck in a motel looking for cigarette butts…getting hungry again out of sheer boredom…at least i’m not horny…

took all the loose leaves of tobacco / dope / junk from tabletop and rolled a small joint…got me mildly stoned for a few minutes…

out of tobacco…

finished my cigarettes…they are making me cough up phlegm…

(down to a few cigarettes)

cigarettes make me feel sicker

out of cigarettes

smoking cigarette butts

now i’m rolling cigarette butt joints…downing the first four loko…getting out of control…

up before noon…exported a working version of the “brown sound” video…still fucking sloppy…get to the library and post it anyway…keep destroying your voice with cigarette butts…

may as well try gathering cigarette butts outside the liquor store…hope i don’t get arrested…

as soon as i walked out there’s that blonde whore pulling up…and the big black pimp coming out to get her…i just went inside the room…save the rest of these fucking cigarettes for later and eat something you dope…

now it’s 10pm…these cigarettes are lights and will only ruin my voice in the long run…gotta furiously figure out a way out of my mess tomorrow…clean up my act and run to princeton in the morning…

started smoking my cigarettes…the fat lady started asking for cigs…

stoned…drunk…cigs…

chat with michael anthony…the cigs aren’t working anymore…gotta clean up my act (and shave the beard) before tomorrow’s meeting…

fat bitch asking for cigs…

voice is scratchy…does this mean that i smoke more cigarettes?

now i feel sickly…the cigarette didn’t do much…

slept again until 11am…then the indian came knocking for pest control…the guy asked me how my music was going…then the fat indian gave me shit for leaving cigarette butts on the windowsill…i’m feeling very sloppy…smoking cigarettes for no reason…

giving cigs to the fat lady…

fat lady looking for cigarettes…

gave a cig to the fat bitch…and then revealed that i was going out tonight…will she rob me now?…why am i too fucking nice?

talked to the fat lady…she saw me dealing with the cops…she came knocking (probably looking for a smoke)…though i saw her smoking a cig earlier and she didn’t offer me any…

the muscled black dude with the whore next door gave me some dope last night…the gas station didn’t sell rolling papers (nor did the front desk)…and the liquor store was closed…so i bought a black n mild and rolled one myself (after wasting most of the black n mild and a cigarette)…

old man next door asking for cigs…

i gave the fat chick two cigarettes (she went and bought the pack for me)…i started getting drunk and racist and she mentioned her black ex-husband…there was a young black couple i tried chatting up to no avail…the dude was like “get out of my face” so i didn’t press it…i started dancing to myself outside my room…

should clean up the ciggie butts…

missed call from michael anthony…tried calling him back to no avail…only nick crowley and MMB are liking my videos…no word from AI / magic dan / larnald / roboray…bummed two cigarettes…

smoking the last of my cigarettes

so i ate 3 lean pockets before bed…that wasn’t smart…waiting for the updated video to render…i smoked all my cigarettes…slept from 5:30am – 8:30am

smoked a few cigs and still feel like shit…

smoked my light cigarettes but they didn’t help…

gave a cigarette and a half to a blonde freckled whore taking pictures of the stray cat

she was almost fuckable but i’m not going there

her john may come after me

and then i’d get robbed (and be left with a few STDs)

i’m ready to go…

i don’t even need to smoke whole cigarettes anymore…

kicking all my addictions…

and i’ve still got my looks (for now)…

don’t even bother with coffee…

six cigarettes left…

now i’m all out of cigarettes

picked up cigarette butts outside the liquor store…

(already smoked a butt from the car dealership as i was walking back)

(smoking cigarette butts from outside the liquor store)

instead i chewed secondhand dip and smoked cigarette butts

and chatted with michael morton brown…

now this fat bitch will be at my door everyday looking for cigarettes…she was waiting for me when i got back…

and see a sexy liquor store bartender smoking a cigarette with a fat bald male patron

i gave a cigarette to the fat chick

she said she’d “get me back friday”

now i can’t even smoke cigarettes in peace

i’ll just smoke more cigarettes…

running out the cigarettes

finished off the cigarettes…

the fat chick “bebe” tried to sell me boots…i gave her my cigarette butt…she told me that there was a hole in her trenton apartment…it didn’t even seem like she was on welfare…

at least the indian didn’t give me shit for the sink (or the cigarette butts outside)…

some weird old man (a fag?) walking around in his underwear and asking me for a cigarette…same with a worker…i even gave the fat chick one of my butts…just like these niggers with their sagging pants…

i bummed a cigarette from an asian salaryman

(after some hispanic worker refused me)

it didn’t do much for me…

and i smoked the last of my cigarette butts for temporary relief

and some cigarette butts from the side of the highway…

smoked the cigarette butts for a very temporary high…

finished out the cigarette pack…

desperately smoked a cigarette butt

walking by the roadkill on route 1 and picking up cigarette butts

at 6pm i bought a cigarette off pedro for 48 cents…

now i crave another cigarette…

smoked cigarette butts…

indian manager buzzkills…and the fat lady lingering outside whenever i want to smoke…

full pack of smokes

1 more pack of smokes

went back to the liquor store for another 12-pack…bummed a smoke from a loading dock guy from michigan…not much happening there…no sign of bigtittied molly…

throat still burns when i smoke…

my voice is smoky today…doesn’t quite have the range…gotta make myself sneeze…too much smoking this week…

smoking half a pack a day will kill you in the long run…

(if it doesn’t bankrupt you first)

next stop:

*ciggie city*

it was my stint as the guitarist for ‘Sadly Unicornless’ coupled with the stress associated with the AP Math ‘cheating scandal’ that caused me to take up cigarette smoking in earnest during the spring of my senior year of high school.  Jen Ahlstrom and Fragnito were both smokers (I think they got high/drunk before the performance but I would have nothing of it then).  Later that summer, Mister Lee and I would chain smoke through the summer nights as we drove from nightspot to nightspot.

i was once in the habit of purchasing expensive lighters from the local smokeshop

(cigarville in warren)

i finally committed to cheap lighters…

(similar to sunglasses / expensive ones always break / cheap ones get job done / more durable / besides it was a bother to buy butane)

i didn’t really start enjoying a nicotine high until after my stoner days began in earnest…in february 2007 i remember buying a pack of cigarettes when i didn’t have any dope…

when i didn’t have access to good grass, i’d buy a pack of marlboro reds at the local convenience store.

(my smoking habit reached its height during the first months of 2007)

SPRING 2002:

It was my stint as the guitarist for ‘Sadly Unicornless’ coupled with the stress associated with the AP Math ‘cheating scandal’ that caused me to take up cigarette smoking in earnest during the spring of my senior year of high school.

(i’d only “puff and push”)
(kenwell told that that’s what teenage girls do)
(making it obvious that the cigarette is no more than a fashion accessory)
(and they subsequently miss out on the nicotine buzz in order to preserve their lungs)

Jen Ahlstrom and Fragnito were both smokers (I think they got high/drunk before the performance but I would have nothing of it then).

(later that summer, mister lee and i would chain smoke through the summer nights as we drove from nightspot to nightspot)

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*SUMMER 1998*

(‘shane taylor’ started brandishing cigarettes in ‘8th grade’)

.because his mother was a chain smoker…

(i followed him along but i don’t remember taking any drags)

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(although one local mother (linda lauerman?) reported me to cheryl after seeing me and shane sneak behind a water tower so he could smoke a cigarette)

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👈👈👈☜*“NICOTINE FIXES”* ☞ 👉👉👉

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💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘

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*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*

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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥