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*as of ’17 october 2017’*
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(212)777-1447
although i’d lived 2 blocks away from the cafe for several years, i’d never once thought to go there.
while walking home from the subway sometime in 2008, i had noticed several attractive waitresses in the doorway (most notably busty “chelsie lee”)…i referenced her to sean connell as the “sexiest woman i’d ever seen”…
mark introduced me to the east village restaurant in february 2009. i had just been laid off @ jpmorganchase and had lots of free time on my hands to finish the “tabula rasa” mixes. his neuroscientific colleague “cheryl lynn austin” doubled as a waitress there while finishing up grad school…
a year younger than us, “cheryl lynn” (same first two names as el madre!) hailed from washington state. i first met her @ a different cafe on the corner of 9th and avenue A while i was sipping a coffee with the professor one evening. she claimed that she felt like she was in the “twilight zone”…blumberg was enamored with her @ first…they hooked up several times but never quite consummated the relationship…i wasn’t all that enamored with her…(though she was the only one of the orlin waitresses to actually attend a jogabot performance)…
on our first trip to the orlin, it was nearing midnight on a friday. all of the waitresses were getting ready to go out for the evening. one hot hipster named “nino” was talking about a “boy” that she was excited about seeing that night. i hate it when chicks call men “boys”…
i was most interested in “chelsie lee” but she refused to even talk to me…
chelsie lee reminded me of a taylor. a voluptuous “whole earth mama”. on one occasion she waited on the professor and i but showed no interest. the bartender later informed me that she was dating a big black man. (needless to say) i was digitally unable to facebook friend her. finally i figured out how to do so, but (like julie) she rejected all attempts (though juli(ana) finally acquiesced years later). at that point, i was seeking explicit rejection (as in writing)…
my next attempt at seduction involved julie obermiller…
(“you remind me of my great-aunt ginnie”)
(“…who’s currently dying of cancer”)
(we were in the same building for 4 years and never spoke one word to each other!)
(she was frightened of me because of my father!)
(she was just a secretary in the guidance department)
(but i’ll bet she was a great secretary)
(i feel for her and uncle david)
(he has a right to be bitter against me)
(i often forget that he and skip are brother/sister)
(first met her in early spring 2009)
AUGUST 2010
(but tried facebook friending obermiller)
(who looks crazy hot in her profile pic)
(she’s just like roshina jimenez)
(another aspiring actress)
(except she’s not an actress)
(and the FB pic wasn’t really julie)
(it was some actress from the 1970s?)
(given to her by cheryl lynn)
(she is in charge of billing???)
(obermiller is single)
(being a sneak about looking at feet?)
(her cat ernie is king of her universe)
(much to chagrin of lesbo friend liz)
(she’s liberal too)
(university of miami 2005)
(she’s a year older than me!)
(julie obermiller accepts joga bot as friend)
(well that’s an encouraging sign)
(I posted on obermiller’s wall)
(must deal with gaybird joseph pepe le peu)
(obermiller didn’t responde to wall post)
(at least she didn’t delete it)
(she’s going to maine like my mama!)
(obermiller admiring the paintings of middle-aged heterohipster jew)
(her husband?)
(goddamit!!!)
(obermiller is usually flirty but unavailable)
(like horinka and tara hannon)
(I facebook chatted her on a sunday afternoon)
(found out she’s from DC)
(visiting family/friends this weekend)
(said she was pooped)
(like she eats her own poop)
(like mama eating her own boogers)
(that seems so unnatural to me!)
(your body is getting rid of these things FOR A REASON)
(picking your nose makes sense)
(does mama think eventually she’ll shit out her boogers?)
(and it’ll all go down the toilet?)
(I’ve never really busted her about this)
(though it’s gross)
(and she cooks my food)
(and she smells funny)
(is she dead?)
(guy from the future is punished for his writing)
(and the reputations it permanently stains in the digital world)
(“I only speak the truth!”)
(she was so sad to see me leave today)
(joseph wants me to stay)
(doesn’t he just want to fuck his wife?)
(not if she’s not alive!)
(what if he killed her after she lost her looks?)
(and just lives vicariously through me now)
(and actually played off my ‘meathead’ jersey shore joke)
(but cut off conversation WITHIN SECONDS)
(obermiller rejected friendship?)
(she did say ‘nice chat’)
(the way things are going, this gives me hope!)
(obermiller / jimenez are my dual hostess hopes)
(obermiller’s guy gestured at me)
(and she turned around and looked at me filming her)
(and I turned the camera)
(I must’ve looked nervous)
(shit!)
(i think obermiller moved outta NYC back to ole virginny with her boyfriend casey)
(i defriended her because she didn’t seem so into me)
(aunt ginnie is STILL alive!)
cheryl lynn attended my 2009 valentine’s day show @ desmond’s tavern but i opted for purba mukerjee that evening…
after mark retired from the lab, she transferred to a different lab where she began experimenting on rats…
a few days later, mark and i had a late saturday night dinner @ the orlin. on a whim, i decided to ask for our waitress “kate blake’s” phone #. she gave it to me but also told me she had a boyfriend…so i shifted my attention to “julie obermiller” (university of miami c/o 2005). a very attractive blonde. i told her i’d bring her a “jogabot” t-shirt next time i was in the cafe…
kate still works there and i see her from time to time (although never on fridays). she pretends not to recognize me. she rejected my facebook friend request. i’m tempted to ask whether she still has the boyfriend…last time i saw her @ the cafe was on a saturday afternoon in march 2010…i stopped in before going out to dinner that evening for emily’s 21st birthday…
all these chicks tend to hail from astoria…and none of them (save cheryl lynn and julie) ever accepted my facebook friend requests…
in the fall of 2011, larnald and i stopped off @ the cafe orlin after picking up some dope from mellow…we were waited on by a busty iranian named “maryam toosi”…
she seemed a friendlier version of the former hostess “chelsie lee”…
(cheryl lynn austin still works here)
(she didn’t recognize cheryl lynn)
i revealed i was lebanese
she remembered my name “joe”
she seemed smiley
eric also approved
she must work nights
i left her over $5 tip
(but is leaving change to round out a tacky gesture???)
did i hear her right?
she doesn’t show up on orlin friend lists…
(i’ve cut off contact with all of them)
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*👨🔬🕵️♀️🙇♀️*SKETCHES*🙇♂️👩🔬🕵️♂️*
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💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘
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*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*
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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥