(some say that if you stare into ben’s eyes long enough, he will transform into ‘adam sandler’ before your very eyes!)
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(‘2002 film’ written by ‘chap taylor’ + ‘michael tolkin’)
(a ‘new york jew’ and son of comedy writer ‘mel tolkin’)
the “standard rehab movie” according to my ‘heroin-addicted roommate’)
(he’s allegedly sat through it dozens of times…)
(it’s “rated R”)
(for “restricted”)
(based on what criteria, mister MPAA’?)
(have you consulted with ‘WebMD’?)
(so i assume those of us “under 17” are accompanied to this ‘rehabilitation center’ with “guardians”)
(i noted that ‘samuel “L” jackson’ was about to have a ‘drink’ in “puffy’s tavern”)
(on a ‘darker note’, is the rate of ‘alcoholism’ among ‘african-american males ‘greater’ or ‘lesser’ than the ‘national average’?)
(that can never be determined with absolute ‘certainty’)
(mostly because the word ‘alcoholism’ is open to interpretation)
(the film ended with the ‘poor old black alcoholic reunited with his ‘black wife’ and their ‘(beautiful little) black boys’…)
(as pointed out by the ‘late (not-so) great ‘dane cook’)
(and the ‘moral’ of this ‘story’ is???)
(he was able to scrounge up enough dough to mortgage a house in ‘queens’…)
(all on account of a ‘masscahusetts’ ‘no harm’ / ‘no foul’ DWI) –>
(they referred me to “preferred behavioral health center”)
(‘700 airport road’)
(though i see no airports in the vicinity)
(‘lakewood NJ’)
this was a (TOTALLY / ‘how ‘totally’?’) different location from the one referred to me by the ‘passaic IDRC’!)
(no wonder! good thing i inquired!)
(when my mother drove me up the road, i noted that EVERY BUILDING ON THE ROAD was prefaced by “preferred…”)
SAIL ME TO AFRICA AND SHIP ME OFF TO ROME
LEAD ME NOWHERE AND FOLLOW ME HOME…
(on that very same day, ‘mom’ was moving ‘lil sis’ to another apartment in ‘philadelphia’)
(therefore, her car was “full” upon arrival to ‘brick’)
((nearly) sabotaging my “great escape”)…)
(i only managed to leave with a suitcase of external hard drives (although i spent the entire afternoon packing all of my belongings…))
(i feared that ‘shawn damkani’ would surely ‘break in’ and notice that i was plotting an ‘escape’…a ‘clean break’)
(he wasn’t around for the entire afternoon (though his ‘van’ remained in the ‘driveway’)…i suspected he was merely taking a late-afternoon nap…
if it hadn’t rained that day, he woulda been out metal-detecting with his half-brother in the woods…
i owed him $125 for august rent…though i assume he miscalculated…i probably actually owed him $155…
($120 to the “landlord” and $35 for “utilities”)
he was in alleged dire need of cash…
he needed to “pay off his car insurance”
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(though he didn’t even possess a valid driver’s license)
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💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘
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*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*
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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥