-1 OCTOBER 2023-
*tuesday*
i drank all day and smoked cigarettes…
2 steel reserves and a pint of vodka…
i worked on a new verse of “pinwheel”
(G#–> C#)…
easier said than done…
but i smoked too many cigarettes and my voice was shot…
this got me on a rampage…i started furiously cleaning the bedroom…then i started drunk dialing…told my grandma naj to send me grapeleaves…tony still won’t talk to me…called up jimmy and got an apology from him over the graduation party incident…
then i made my way to facebook…went on friending rampage and sent both nasty + flirtatious messages to all the chicks i usually fb stalk…made a few cute new friends in the process…i just hope no chicks report me to the police…and i hope lisa doesn’t try fucking with me after i sent her a nasty message…
i foolishly spit out a mouthful of booze all over my keyboard (because it was making me gag)…now the keyboard is broken…this puts me in limbo at the moment…i don’t think it will come back to life…and now the mouse scroller wheel doesn’t work…
i stayed up most of the night…headed to rite-aid for a can of dip at 8am…mixing my last pint of vodka with grapefruit juice…but now i can’t do any computer work…the internet people recommend taking out the batteries and rinsing out the keyboard with warm water and letting it dry for a day…it did need a good cleaning (after doing so much dip over the keys)…but i believe i waited too long to try this method out…asked cheryl to bring a spare keyboard…my old dell keyboard in the basement should work…but that will only use up another USB plug (i have two left on the hub)…and they seem unreliable (at least when i plug in my digital camera)…perhaps she can take me to the apple store and i can buy a new wireless keyboard for $70…or at least make a genius bar appointment to see if they can fix it for me (i doubt it)…
i spent the rest of the day watching may-december porn on the laptop…found some great new scenes…jacked off twice after going several days without…chatted with damkani as i walked to the 3:05pm free-b from the shopping center…arrived at princeton human services ’round 3pm…elisa didn’t seem to recognize me…she said to give her 10 minutes (she was talking to some other long-haired hippie)…received a $140 check (which she had “forgotten” to print out)…she told me that i’m eligible for 12 months’ rent (up to $1000)…plus security deposit…but i need a new lease…or they can put me up at a motel once i finally get evicted…time for a fresh start…
cashed the check and got some fava bean salad and “rainbow wrap” (plus sparking clementine drink and orange mango nantucket nectar) from whole earth center…because i hadn’t eaten in days…the fava bean salad was all that was worth eating…i started getting a bad case of the shakes…hadn’t slept in days and so i was out for the night…missed a call from AI…at 8am the landlord called and informed me that a “worker was coming @ 11am so make sure the place is clean and organized”…john the drunk bothered me until 10am the next morning…at least this forced me into cleaning the kitchen and bathroom…i let in the landlord at 11am…he claimed a worker was coming to fix the leak in my shower (a slight dribble)…don’t know why he decided to do this now…the cheap bastard probably wanted to save $$$ on water bill (even though eric paul pays for it all)…the light bulb was out…he asked me to go buy a new one…i told him he should…i asked him for a copy of the lease and he said he’d “mail it to me”…the worker left shortly after arrival…john the drunk scared them away…
i’ve got clean up my act…reload on booze…
2 october:
the cough turned into a runny nose turned into an earache in left ear…plus more fatigue…everytime i burp my ear rings with pain…plus the sweats…so instead i laid in bed all day…chatted with AI and magic dan…no one else got back to me…
i loaded up on three slices of pizza (one ricotta / two plain) and bottle of arizona iced tea…two more pints of vodka (with orange juice + cranberry juice as mixers)…
john the drunk annoyed me all day…gave me a miller high life + cigarette…but he got negative about my music…said i shouldn’t play for free…then he went to bed before 9pm…
the landlord left me a message…a “worker” is coming between 12pm and 4pm tomorrow…the last one left after his “quote was too high”…i observed the landlord chatting in the front of the house ’round 3:30pm with some other old man in his car…then they walked to the driveway of the house across the street…i didn’t answer the doorbell…
cheryl will be here @ 12:30pm tomorrow…
3 october:
scratch that…she’ll be here AFTER 1pm…
the nigger plumber arrived before noon…the landlord wasn’t here to let him in…eric paul is home (but didn’t answer the doorbell)…the landlord finally arrived and provided me with a lightbulb…then he told me that the plumber was leaving and that the water in the house would be shut down temporarily…great!…i called up john the drunk to inform him of the matter…
cheryl didn’t arrive until sometime after 2pm…she claimed that “route 1” was backed up…a lane was closed…she was coming from east brunswick after a tennis match…i began drinking and dipping heavily…i changed my clothes, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and put on deodorant…i disguised my breath with gum + listerine…brought my laundry into the house…she also brought some dry cleaned items…realized that i’ve lost my dry cleaning tickets from months ago (i can’t afford to pay for them anyway)…
she bought me a pair of khakis from old navy because she said one pair of jeans was “unwashable”
(i’m assuming she was referring to the shit stains)…
we headed to the bridgewater mall…
i bought myself a new keyboard as she browsed bloomingdale’s…i noticed that despite my filthy appearance, a number of chicks were checking me out…one weirdo bigtittied brunette chick outside bloomingdales (who had been staring me down as i entered the store) rejected my advances and headed to her car…cheryl’s phone wasn’t working (must’ve been because the bluetooth was on)…she said she had to be back in watchung by 5pm…we stopped at burger king…i pigged out on a double whopper / large fries / large coke / 5-piece chicken tenders…i asked her to get me a mccaffrey’s card…i bargained for $100…she made me walk back from mccaffrey’s…
i was exhausted by the time i got back in the door…laid back down for awhile…john the drunk came by and i blew him off…so he asked me to get his mail…so i left it outside for him…the water was running again but it seemed that the landlord took back the lightbulb he had given me…it seemed the plumbing job was successful…replaced the bathroom light with one from the common room lamp…
seems it’s harder and harder to get plastered these days…i’m trying my best…almost out of dip (and mixer)…
karsten texted from his cellphone ’round 6am…he wants to pick me up at noon and rehearse some “easy blues tunes” before we go on @ 4pm saturday…cheryl brought me a 100-pack of tabula rasa CDs…i’ll have to send him my original material…he tells me that the bongo player “mike” may bring a full drumset and that there may be a bass player there…and that i should bring both acoustic + electric guitar…i should invite roboray down…
spent the remainder of the evening getting re-acquainted with the iMac…now it’s time to clean up my act…wonder if i should go to ANOTHER karaoke night @ the ivy inn…
the cold is getting better…the earache is gone…but i’m still spitting up mucus…
the mouse spinwheel still isn’t working despite my efforts…although the click on the spinwheel works…hmmm…
PRIORITIES:
find a new place in princeton
(i probably have until november 1)
(cheryl knows about the 1K check i cashed)
(i lied and said i used it to pay off august + september rent + utilities)
get back in shape
(i have a thoroughly trashed 1-week pass to new york sports club)
(i should start using it)
get back my looks
(the stye on my eye is still there)
(i need another haircut + eyebrow wax)
work through the “last cloud” and “dopeland” albums
(and post all videos to youtube)
finish the repraise songs + videos
(6 to go)
(wonder if that means $600 in my pocket)
(only if i do them well)
book gigs
promote music
(radio stations / record labels / blogs / social networking sites)
continue working on bedroom collage
(be sure to make videos)
begin the “joga podcast”
begin working on theatrical production
back up all work
(which means cleaning up the dust around my current hard drives)
make new music!
(and use it to get you laid)
therein lies the path to my personal happiness…
4 october:
so i finally showered + cleaned up my act…by this time it was 11pm…and i knew i wouldn’t be able to focus on any music at this point…so i figured i’d hit up the ivy inn for karaoke night…sang “oh! darling” and “hey jude”…got the voice back into shape (although “hey jude” was in the wrong key so i had to lower my pitch)…had to push some vagrant off stage…i’m glad i went (as last time i was there i knocked over a mic stand while singing “hard to handle”)…so it was good to get back in the good graces of karaoke man…got a ton of compliments as usual…gave a CD to bartender justin and he said he’d pass it along to kelly…he said i just have to e-mail her constantly in order to book a gig…he said he’d be working with her on october 20th (sunday night)…put my guitar back in the bar…smoked a rolled cigarette with some bearded russian dude…tipped justin $1 for a glass of water…drank it and then kept coughing up mucus…tried my best to hit on chicks…the ones that knew me already wanted nothing to do with me…a beautiful eurasian chick wouldn’t let me kiss her (she works @ victoria secrets)…the rest of them had boyfriends…some sketchy dude offered me grass…i wasn’t so sure…so i hooked up with an international team that worked at a credit union…they were staying at the nassau inn…i offered to play them some songs on a park bench (since i knew they didn’t want me playing in front of the ivy inn)…they were duly impressed…one 28-year-old wisconsin blonde offered me $20 to take her home (but i never got the cash)…they told me i looked like eddie vedder…as usual, i was distracted by drunken hooligans singing along…until a cop showed up and asked whether there was a guitar there…i said “no” and packed up the guitar…i gave it to the blonde chick to hold and we held hands back to the nassau inn…she seemed way into me…i thought it was a done deal…the vagrant was trailing us the entire time…finally made it there only to have the other blonde chick she was rooming with tell her that she didn’t want another man in their room (she’s “conservative that way”)…forgot their names and didn’t even get their numbers…didn’t give them any CDs…didn’t promote my music to them at all…then i was forced to take the back roads home lest some cop pull me over (for a “noise violation”)…now i’m back and i feel like rubbing one out…i tried calling the “shawn” dude to no avail…he’s a religion teacher at mercer county college…it seems that everyone here studies “theology”…i probably should’ve hit up the frist campus center but i was spooked by the cops…
neither the rolland runts nor roboray answered their phones as i walked to the bar…seems everyone’s writing me off these days…
got a pint and a half of vodka (and a bit of cranberry juice) for tomorrow…i really hope i have the damn house to myself…
slept from 5am – 11am…still congested…at least i’ve got the house to myself…and i’m horny (and cranky) as ever…
5 october:
working at breakneck pace through the “dopeland” album…some songs on the “last cloud” album couldn’t be connected…guess they’ll have to be re-recorded at some point…
still have some post-nasal drip and snot…the vodka helps (as well as secondhand dip)…i reloaded on a handle of vodka and another can of dip…mixing it with water…
the landlord left me another letter re-iterating the same old bullshit…also left john a letter blaming his “hair” for the clog in his bathroom…i warned him…i didn’t even hear the motherfucker come into the house…
john the drunk keeps annoying me…”i know you’re there!”…at least he gave me a cigarette (which probably didn’t do me any good)…talking more bunk about the landlord until i finally went inside…”i know you’re drunk!”…i lied and told him that AI paid me $200…he doesn’t want me to leave him…
brian spitz called…another fucking “all-around singer/songwriter/producer/loser”…he wants to meet up on wednesday…he was driving home from “work” in jersey city…he lives in pennington…hey, his band “the paper jets” does have 550 facebook fans…that’s way more than me…at least he’s a fan of my music…
called up cheryl and told her to bring towels and bedding…i could also use some other things…she wants to “hike” next week…what a fucking waste of time…i called her up this morning @ 8:30am…i actually wanted to ring up mike to tell him about my dream…i woke up in an absolute daze…she responded to my “penpal” song with “yess!”…but she still doesn’t bother checking out the youtube channel (nor does anyone else)…i chatted with champ while i was in lambertville…he was playing golf @ green knoll (as usual)…
rolls called me…then he hung up…lied about some chick meeting up with him…he wants to meet on thanksgiving weekend and drive me to colorado…sure…we also facebook-chatted until he had to “make deliveries”…then he started getting fresh with me…i told him i was god…he said “we are all god”…missed a call from him…tried calling back to no avail…
karsten should be here @ 12:30pm…now we’ve only got a “half-hour – 45minute” set…and it’s supposed to be “all-acoustic”…mike the bongo player better have some grass for me…karsten is 40 years old…he’s from colorado…german and swiss..from drug-addled teenager to college dropout to construction worker to engineering student…
lisa was smoking dope on the back porch this morning…i didn’t even look her in the eye…john the drunk knocked on my door and i blew him off…
i went on another facebook tirade last night…mostly love letters to emma…she won’t respond…also a few video song messages to the teenyboppers all grown up (hauerpower)…also told off “ryan galbraith”…even got back in touch with pellabear…
i’m wearing the same clothes from thursday night…other than that i’m pretty clean…gonna write down a list of “easy songs” to play for our set (@ ~3:30 – 4:00)…this reminds me of the ruperto “octoberfest”…nobody’s gonna interrupt my set any longer (but of course they always do)…like manson said, it’s all a competition for the stage…”get off of MY stage!”…i’m singing lead and karsten and mike are gonna noodle right along…
so karsten came late (’round 12:50pm)…he seems thoroughly braindead to me…with an ego to boot…and he can’t sing or write songs (but he thinks he can)…we started rehearsing but i knew that i didn’t need any rehearsal…he isn’t even familiar with the beatles…just another (brain)deadhead…his songs are usually just “12-bar blues”…we convinced john the drunk not to tag along (he wanted to hawk CDs for me and take my money)…he didn’t even believe that i had CDs…although he was turned on by my shirtless picture…so i told him we were going to be back @ 9pm…he couldn’t go because there was a “10% chance” of his son visiting him…his home is in foreclosure…his wife and kids moved out…so i smoked a final cigarette with him and when i went to the front of the house karsten was gone…he went to get a coffee without telling me…i tried calling him several times without an answer…i thought he’d overheard me badmouthing him to john the drunk…
so i called up joseph conroy to get him back…
john the drunk told me to change out of my shit-stained (and dip-stained) jeans into khakis…
john the drunk tried to convince me not to go…he knew that karsten was a terrible musician when he heard us rehearsing…like all poor people, all that matters to him is money…i remember when i used to feel that way (when i was a rich kid ironically enough)…back then i equated money with status…now i’d rather be poor and celebrated than rich and ignored…
so we drove to the american legion (a veteran’s organization) in lambertville…it was basically a biker bar…free yuengling for the musicians (until they ran out and i started drinking miller lite)…free buffet (although i did not partake)…bathroom inside…there was an instrumental band playing before us…”marathon players”…a “jam-jazz trio”…drums / bass / guitar…marathonplayers@gmail.com…they gave me a business card…they have a studio in the center of newark…you can hardly make out the lettering on the business card…(267)331-7414…Rando, Bamf, & Eli T…they only have 21 facebook fans…that’s more pathetic than me…
“mike” the guitarist was also the soundman…he got pissed at me when i unplugged the acoustic guitar before turning down the volume…he told me it was a “$100 cord”…i sat in with the band for “red house”…a fat old man was videotaping the event…his blonde wife (in a ghostbusters t shirt) dug my voice…i gave him my e-mail address (into his samsung smartphone)…he said it may take a while to upload to the computer but he said he’d post youtube videos…he really dug the tunes…i gave him a hug…he gave me $10 for a CD…
this was a fundraise for “judge”…an old biker man with throat cancer…i bummed a cigarette off him…then i dedicated my set to him…he didn’t seem to care too much…
i played on karsten’s alvarez guitar (since my pickup is still fucked up)…sat on a drum throne (so that i couldn’t have drum backup)…met “mike the bongo player”…a fat middle-aged ponytailed goateed man…he also plays regular drums…karsten met him @ whole earth center…he didn’t have any grass (although i could’ve sworn i smelled some as i was performing)…it was a “family event” anyway (so why all the beer and cigarettes?)…i also got into trouble for saying “fuck” into the microphone…i made sure to take over the set…played the usual cover tunes…helter skelter…take me to the river…born on the bayou…oh! darling…santeria…rocky raccoon…
then another band arrived…some middle-aged allman brothers cover band (although they played other generic barroom covers)…they were thoroughly bland…i bummed more cigarettes and passed the time…met two sexy girls…and her 24-year-old second cousin freckle-faced “ashley lieggi”…studies criminal justice @ bucks community college…they both went to tiny south hunterdon high school…they’re both friends with lori hoff (also from lambertville)…i was smoking a cigarette as they talked to their family…i invited them to the bar for a drink but then they sat down at a table with their family…so i gave them both free “tabula rasa” CDs…then i facebook friended them…they probably didn’t give a shit…gillian accepted…the “pale italians”…just the way i like’em…(although they’re both into “electronica”)…
we were offered a second set after a lynyrd skynyrd cover band performed…the frontman was “jonathan”…he looked like waylon jennings…did an admirable imitation of ronald van zant…he sure dug me…
this time i played standing up with karsten’s strap…took the soundman fucking ages to set up…the previous band had to leave but i convinced the drunk middle-aged drummer to sit in with us (as “bongo player mike” seemed too fucked up to play)…along with the “sober” old bassist from the first band (“been sober for 25 years!”)…then quit the fucking cigarettes!…i hoped he would’ve had some dope (but alas no)…of course karsten had to play as well…noodling along on his acoustic guitar and attempting to sing along…we even played one of his shitty covers…i drove the audience away with a vicious version of “sympathy for the devil” (at least i remembered most of the lyrics)…just a black dude and mexican dude dancing along…we even went into double-time at the end…i was conducting the band like a symphony orchestra…then i kicked it up for “roadhouse blues”…waving my hair around like a madman…that worked everyone into a frenzy…at one point i even told karsten to “shut up” when he started singing along (in unison not harmony of course)…
karsten reminds me of an old roboray (and luke as well)…except that roboray actually provides value as a drummer…karsten can only provide me with a car, a stage, musicians, grass (and perhaps a place to live if i get desperate enough)…his singing and songwriting skills are atrocious…but like roboray, he delusionally thinks the world of himself…i actually told him point blank “you can’t sing!” when he tried to convince me to open the set with one of his shitty songs…he claimed he was a better singer than me…”you scream too much”…and that i didn’t sound like paul mccartney or brian wilson (just like blumberg said back in 2008)…then who do i sound like, klaus nomi?…i can sound like ANYONE on ANY GIVEN DAY…then i overheard him calling me a “dickhead” to bongo mike…bongo mike really dug my voice (as did everyone) but he told me that i had a big ego…i told him until i’m selling out stadiums, i NEED an ego to get going…
i had some middle-aged lady watch my guitar (as i usually do) while we loaded up the car…some other dude (her husband?) carried my CD case to the car…by that time karsten and i were back on good terms…he’s gonna want to get together with me and bongo mike and joseph conroy soon…we need a bassist…let’s get the dude from the marathon players…i’ll turn into a loser old man just like them…even though i was IDed at the bar today…
got back to the house before 7pm…snuck in so that john the drunk wouldn’t hear me come in…he was taking pictures with his son’s pop warner team anyway (even though he said he wasn’t going)…he’d rather be drinking anyway…bought another can of dip…then i spent $13 on a foot-long roast beef hoagie and a big bag of “buffalo bleu” chips…along with a lemon arizon iced tea…i was in the “express lane” (10 items or less)…yet the mustachioed russian man in front of me had nearly 100 items…the old lady cashier didn’t seem to mind…i called him out on it but i forgave him anyway…scarfed the food down and promptly passed out…
an hour later, john the drunk wakes me up…i’m disoriented…i think it’s morning…i tell him to give me another hour…he’s back in another hour…he thinks he can control me…he tempts me with a cigarette (even though i really didn’t want one)…at least he’s asleep now…and he’ll be at his son’s football game tomorrow…peace and quiet!…free at last!
6 october:
i’m already running out of pants…
i shouldn’t have eaten so much junk…now i can’t even get drunk…and it’s saturday night…i may as well walk to the frist campus center (as usual)…although i’ll probably be arrested for playing my guitar…almost out of dough…i just want to curl up in my sweatpants for the upcoming week…finish off the “dopeland” album…finish off the 6 “repraise” tracks…find a place to live…find a way to earn money…book shows…promote music…get laid…i’m still congested (and sweaty)…
and i’m out of toilet paper…taking sloppy little vodka-soaked shits…i notice that vodka seems to cleanse my system whenever i eat junk food…after pigging out on burger king thursday i went on a bender and felt thoroughly cleansed whenever i shit out all the preservatives…
tomorrow is going to be a healthy week…9 days to move out…half a handle of vodka…
i finally decided to head out ’round 1:45am…at least i could get a power walk in for exercise…tried calling the rolls and champ to no avail…i was unable to get drunk…i just left with dip in my mouth…i was sweating profusely by the time i made it to the frist campus center…the only people that recognized me were the security guards…bought an orange powerade…recognized “dina” but she blew me off when i said “hi” (she’d also rejected my facebook friend request)…that’s what you get for playing pro bono for little girls…and she was the one who seemed most into my music!…go figure…tried talking to a girl standing in front of the frist campus center…she was a princeton graduate named “danny”…but her hispanic male “friend” soon arrived and they went into frist…i didn’t feel like playing like a bum…so i walked home, rubbed one out, and went to sleep ’round 5am…john the drunk woke me up @ 1pm…he’s traveling to the football game with a pint of vodka…took a healthy shit this morning…gotta go get a new roll of toilet paper…more money down the drain…
7 october:
i noticed that “a taste of mexico” on nassau street is hiring servers…perhaps i should check it out…
and mccaffrey’s is hiring cashiers…perhaps i should check it out…
the “harvest and music festival” takes place in princeton this sunday
hinds plaza (next to princeton public library)
11:30am – 5:30pm
free entrance
organized by the “witherspoon grill”
i gotta start booking more shows before i run out of dough…
so i worked my way through “dopeland”…now i’ve just gotta connect some dots, lay down a guitar solo for “last cloud”, and edit some video…almost out of vodka…all out of dip…shall i reload?
i recorded some great backing vocals for “keep dreaming”…took me well into midnight…
i went on another facebook rampage…reached out to emily gatti…rebuffed my earlier advances towards emma (she didn’t look very good in her rome picture)…she seems in a lesbo relationship with some blonde named “belle”…then i tore apart some other girls…
they respond in one of two ways:
the “jap” approach:
“you’d had BETTER stop contacting me”
(indicating some sort of “threat” even though i can easily be blocked)
(which means they secretly dig the abuse)
the “hipster” approach:
“ok lol”
(pretending to “laugh it off” even though it’s killing them inside)
“pella libertas” (aka “pellabear”) is my new internet buddy…i need all the friends i can get nowadays…
promised AI the “something” video by the end of the day…we caught up over the phone…i also caught up with rolls (although magic dan didn’t answer his phone)…nor did roboray…a lost cause…
i passed out from 5:30am to 10:30am…i craved a mccaffrey’s breakfast after not eating all day…by the time i got there it was 11am and they were already serving lunch…spent $16 on a buffet tray (3 meatballs / mac + cheese / pepper chicken / french fries), a snickers bar, lemon arizona iced tea, tropical citrus vitamin water…i couldn’t finish the whole buffet tray…save it for later…it just ended up giving me the runs…wiping my ass with the last of my napkins…
then i couldn’t fall back asleep…there’s nothing left to watch on youtube…so i massaged my shoulders to create a warm + fuzzy feeling (just like i used to do as a boy)…now i’m horny again…i’ve gotta clean up my act…time to start drinking…
the landlord is here (without warning)…more “plumbing” work…at least he didn’t enter the house…i suppose he’s working in the basement…i informed cashman…now i’m going to hear about this all night…cashman must’ve ordered chinese food last night without claiming it…i saw the chinese deliveryman outside for 10 minutes before helping him out…but cashman was at hooters (without inviting me of course)…until he comes through for me when others are around, i’m sick of hearing his shit…i suppose the motherfucker fixed the carbon monoxide alarm (not like i care)…at least the garbage is all cleaned out…
i sent an angry e-mail to steven levy (senior editor @ “newsweek”) after reading his article on “stephen wolfram”…wolfram is another british jew who’s got everyone catering to him as he “tries to figure out the sole rule of the universe”…just like einstein, eh?…he invented “mathematica”…jews look out for each other…levy wrote the most glowing profile of the bald middle-aged “eccentric”…i’m sure all this research will come to nothing…and i’m sure “newsweek” is already dead (sure enough it died in december 2012)…serves them right for being so bland…
i’ve been having major difficulties syncing files in cubase + final cut…the forces are working against me despite my best efforts…
it seems that you are are able to send private messages to certain people on facebook without being friends with them (or “connected” to them through mutual friends)…i suppose that depending on your “privacy settings”, the message may or may not go to your “other” folder (which i doubt most users check)…
8 october:
tuesday afternoon…
i made my way through the “dopeland” album…offended a whole lotta people in the process…updated my whole youtube channel in the process…
i chatted with mama about christ…”somebody’s at the door”…go figure…then i sent her some youtube videos…go figure…
i chatted with the old man…he doesn’t want to be friends with bob toresco…i drew a parallel between alex kenwell…he agreed…
i chatted with my grandmother…she’s 88 years old and dependent on her younger children…waiting for aunt tammy to pick her up…
i chatted with uncle bob…called his “distant relative” gary toresco in bridgewater…picked him up off google search…sounded like a faggot…uncle bob sounded like a little boy…
i chatted with champ…calling me from his work #…
i chatted with rolls…
i decimated “aly mang”…she utilized the “polite” response to my truths…”i wish you happiness”…sure you do…
at 7pm i was too drunk to function…blasting through the bottle of vodka…reloaded on a can of dip…and so i went to mccaffrey’s…spent $16 on a foot-long ham+cheese hoagie / 2 bags of salt+vinegar potato chips / 2 snickers bars / lemon arizona iced tea / bag of pretzels / carton of hummus…the young hispanic cashier was giving me the eye…i had no time…
i blew off john the drunk…he tried his best to reach out to me…”the landlord will be here tomorrow”…ok…
AI informed me that his repraise channel has been wiped out…fucking google…now my google+ name “JoGa” stands in his place (even though i’ve already changed it to “joseph james”)…make up your fucking minds…
this also means that my youtube channel has been changed to “joseph james”…fucking a…
i’m still blowing snot rockets…
cheryl will be here @ 11:30am…she didn’t respond to my emails…and now i’m tired…
now what?
9 october:
passed out sometime after 10pm…up before 5am…going back to sleep until 6am…then it’s time to clean up my act and get the show on the road…
still blowing snot rockets…
*and coughing when i lie on my side*
i even publicly called horinka “ugly” in a fb picture comment…her younger sister seemed to get a kick out of it…but its true!…her looks are extremely variable…even horinka didn’t defriend me after the comment…she just sent a private message: “that wasn’t nice!”…i brought up the fact that she digs abusive men…relating the story of how her last boyfriend began their relationship by throwing a piece of paper with his phone # at her…oh, the joys of dating in community college…
i don’t believe i’m friends with stephanie karvellas anymore
(although we’re still friends on facebook)
(nor am i friends with nancy brown)
now sherwin williams wants me to work for them?
(not after their manager (whose name i forget) tells them about me)
(what the fuck is their problem anyway?)
(i never even filled out an application…i just had an interview with the manager)
(months ago!)
(i offered to come to the store but all they wanted to know is if i was still interested in a position)
tomorrow’s plan of action…
shower
exercise
civil court
apartment search
cheryl lynn meeting
show booking
music promotion
“repraise”
food
drugs
sex
haircut?
gotta cure the stye…
time to start the joga podcast!
as it is now, i have 6 days to move out…we’ll see about this…although it took me 6 days to find this place…i should probably clean up the place (which means fixing the hole in the wall and ripping down the collage)…gotta film it all first…
even if i do find a place this week, i need to find someone (mom?) to move my belongings
(i’m nervous about moving my hard drives)
(i should really back up my files)
(as i’m running out of space)
(although plugging in a new hard drive and formatting it ALSO scares me)
another $50 added to my cellphone account
(thanks ma!)
i really blasted through that bottle of vodka…i’ll have to reload before the end of the day…or maybe i should just stop drinking…at least i’ve got a full can of dip…and pretzels + hummus…time to start taking healthy shits again…gotta reload on napkins @ dunkin donuts to use as toilet paper…
so i lounged around all morning waiting for mama to arrive…
she finally got here @ 11:50am with my towels and bedding…
she chastised me for my dip-and-shit stained khakis…
i lied and told her i was looking at a house in the neighborhood @ 1:30pm…
she took the rest of my laundry…
she said she’ll help me move on tuesday…maybe i can also get a haircut…
now the fucking landlord is here cleaning the shrubbery in the driveway…did not call me to notify me of his arrival…now i have no motivation…
the landlord is gone…
champ texted me telling me that it would be john lennon’s 73rd birthday today…who cares?
gotta force this booze down my throat…the constant coughing already caused me to throw up a bit of indian food…
10 october:
so i finally got the ball rolling after purchasing another can of dip and another bottle of vodka…this should take me through the day quite nicely…not sure how drunk i want to get when i meet with potential landlords…then again, who cares?
chatted with rolls on facebook…wrote some comedy sketches…posted new version of “sometimes” for AI…he seemed real anxious to get it out tonight…but then he didn’t answer my call @ 9:30pm when i finally posted it…now it’s onto “we must protect the young”…
in terms of my own music, i suppose i start working on “ultimus romanorum”…starting with “be my andromeda”…written during that sloppy summer of 2012 in brick…it’s a decent song…
john the drunk called me…he’s been bothering me less and less lately…no more knocking on the window (for now)…he knows i’ll be leaving soon…
i even got ryan galbraith to respond angrily to me when i challenged him about his “friendship” with emma wolin…it seems that this motherfucker (a married man ’round age 30) follows her everywhere…south orange to austin to europe…he simply got defensive and told me to “get a life”…hopefully this doesn’t make him more adamant about pursuing his one-sided “friendship” with her…perhaps now he’ll think twice…
then i sent emma (via my “josephjgatti” gmail) my entire history of our relationship…hopefully she doesn’t report me to the police…hopefully i didn’t embarrass myself too much…i was about to e-mail miss markham but i decided against it…no responses (yet)…but i haven’t been blocked either…maybe she’s too busy touring europe to bother with me…
at 3:30am i decided that i’d accomplished enough for the day and so i pigged out on the rest of the indian food…then i went to bed…woke up ’round 7am but didn’t get out of bed until 11am…and i actually brushed my teeth in the morning…and took a nice healthy shit (i stole toilet paper from the dunkin donuts bathroom)…then another healthy shit…the snot in my nose has turned to dried boogers…
now the lightbulb in my bedroom is out…and i can’t afford a new one…unless they sell them at mccaffrey’s…i still go to bed each night with an awfully congested nose…the drinking and dipping during the day fends off the congestion…time to buy sudafed?
at least i’ve got the house to myself…though i’m dreading the search for a new place to live…too much walking around…i wonder if the “free-b” would take me any closer…
AI called…he received the video…started giving me more life advice…at least he forwarded me the $100…this means that if i can finish 5 more videos i’ve got $500 coming my way…
tried calling donna nitchum again to no avail…
at around 3pm, lisa arrives at the house (with her boyfriend’s suburban parked in the driveway)…donna nitchum finally gets back to me…the house is on 11 woodland drive…she wanted me to get there as soon as possible (since there were other prospective tenants checking out the place)…turns out she’s the owner of the house after all (then what’s all this bunk about a “leasing office” on the craigslist ad?)…she had a nice soothing voice over the phone…
i got on my nicest clothes (although my grey pants are way too tight) and left right away…it was around a 28-minute walk…right on harrison…left on terhune…right on jefferson…right on route 206 (state road / vanhoree)…left on mansgrove…mansgrove becomes woodland…destination on the right…i ended up missing the turn onto route 206 and had to flag down an old lady pulling into her driveway for directions…
donna nitchum seems like a nice jewish woman to me…74 years old…gets around with a walker (she’s had multiple sclerosis since she was 65)…and yet she still drives…divorced from her husband (a jazz musician in manhattan)…his own father was a big jewish “tiemaker” and wanted him to go into the family business…
i checked out the “blue room”…it’s perfect…AND i get to share a bathroom with riddhi chauhan (the big-tittied indian manager @ dunkin donuts)…i’m sure she’ll be thrilled…she’s up @ 4:30am every morning…the poor little indian cunt walks to work…other than that, the old lady lives on the other side of the house…i’m welcome to use the kitchen (although she doesn’t want me cooking very often)…she claims that riddhi cooks indian food once a month…she’s fanatical about turning off the lights to conserve electricity…the 1K monthly rent covers all utilities…there’s a woman and her 17-year-old daughter living on the basement floor…i have access to a washer and dryer downstairs…
i lied to her and said i was working part-time @ sherwin williams…hope she doesn’t try to verify this…also told her i was an “SAT tutor” @ lewis library…i didn’t mention my music (didn’t want to frighten her)…although i’m sure she’ll check out the website sooner or later…she does use facebook and g-mail after all (though “not twitter”)…she’s got more facebook friends than me…figures…then i told her i was “writing a novel”…”about a man framed for a crime who subsequently goes on the lam and meets a wide array of characters”…the rough sketch of “amber alert”…i told her i wanted to finish by january 2014 and then scout publishers…she compared the plot to “pilgrim’s progress”…the christian allegory written by john bunyan in 1678…i then mentioned that i’d be able to provide 12 months rent + security deposit through princeton human services…i lied and said it was because my basement housemate turned in the landlord for “illegal multiple leases”…this seemed to spook her…she said her basement tenants were registered and that an inspector came every two years but that the top two floors were considered part of her main household…she told me a woman tried to move in with her two children in order to have them register in the princeton public school system but she felt morally obliged to turn her down…she didn’t want me “getting her in trouble”…the last female tenant moved to lebanon…she wanted a roommate (she must’ve been lonely) and they reached an agreement where she got her security deposit back…she said there’s been both male and female tenants there and that riddhi didn’t mind…i wouldn’t mind being the only male in the house…especially since she said she “never saw” the woman and her daughter downstairs…she had a grey subaru parked in the driveway…
her daughter alyssa nitchun is a 36-year-old single chick…works for an agency called “creative time”…they designed the new world trade center display…perfect…i think donna wanted to hook us up (although she said i was “too young”)…even though donna’s ex-husband was 6 years younger than her…her other daughter is a 48-year-old married woman who lives in princeton…worked for the ACLU and a number of corporations…like all jews, the whole family wants to make it to manhattan…princeton is too boring for them…donna herself lived in manhattan for years…she’s got a 6-year-old precocious grandson…he’s too old for first grade…he’s into richard wagner (go figure)…the rambunctious little runt visits the house every thursday afternoon…she showed me pictures of her family on her iphone…she said she dug my long hair (like all jews, she said she “always had thin hair”)…after talking to her, i began to question why i didn’t just try to move back to NYC and go for broke…she’s looking to sign a lease until january…but she usually signs leases until the end of may (the end of the school year)…i should facebook friend her…but then i may spook her…
just as i was leaving, another man was pulling up to check out the place…perfect timing…i chose to walk along route 206 to get to nassau street (even though it would’ve been shorter for me to take jefferson back to nassau street)…in any case, i arrived at 205 nassau street 15 minutes early…it was about a 29-minute walk…and quite dangerous at that…at least i got myself some exercise…
“sandy” told me to come right inside…a black man greeted me…sandy was in his back office…a very old frail white man…”sandy” must be short for “alexander”…he showed me two rooms on the second floor…seems that i share the floor (and bathroom) with 5 other housemates…yikes…although he told me one housemate doesn’t occupy his room…i observed a young indian man walking out of another room…the bathroom looked clean…the smaller room (available immediately) isn’t furnished…the larger room (available november 1) is currently occupied by an old man who makes statuettes…even though he put up the room for $900, he’s sticking to the $950 prices for both…all utilities included…except i have to set up my own internet connection…he’s looking to sign a lease right away…i’ll have to wait until i hear from donna and the other lady first…hope the rooms aren’t taken by then…
it seems that princeton real estate is owned by the elderly…from dablan to donna to sandy…when will they finally all die off?
i cancelled the meeting with “gene”…didn’t feel like walking an hour and 11 minutes to his place…i would have to take a right on moore (heading on nassau street towards charlton) until it turned into jefferson…left on valley road…right on witherspoon…left on cherry hill…left on ridgeview…house on the right…plus it was starting to rain…if i wanted to check out the place, i should’ve went AFTER i visited donna…i texted him to cancel…he said he’d be out until tuesday…oh well…no other prospective landlords got back to me…
i didn’t have anyone to chat with on the way over…damkani was at work…kellogg didn’t answer…champ didn’t answer…magic dan didn’t answer…rolls was doing deliveries and said he’d call me back…the only person that takes my calls nowadays is AI…he’s watching the rutgers game @ 7:30pm…at this point i don’t even remember larnald’s number…probably all for the best…and there’s no one else i want to talk to…i need to start talking to more women…if only they’d take my calls…
by the time i got back to the house, eric paul was already home…i replaced my room lamp with another lightbulb from the common room…then i took a nap…the coughing started right up again…resisted the temptation to eat…so i’ll start drinking instead…i’ll be out of dip soon…hope the landlords didn’t smell the booze on my breath (nor the dip)…
gotta reload on dip and toilet paper before 8pm when the stores all close…and when john the drunk starts knocking at my window…it’s getting harder and harder to maintain a decent buzz…and i’m starting to feel sores on my tongue…i wish i had some dope…
gotta start booking shows in the princeton area before it’s too late…
i’m incredibly horny but resisting the urge to jack off…just compulsive nipple rubbing…
i still long for emma…i peaked in october 2010…time to revisit that time in my life…
john the drunk is back on my case…he received a $200 criminal complaint from the landlord for filming him on the property…he’s got an october 21 court date…he shaved off his goatee and is wearing a hoodie…all he wanted to do was drink with me…now he’s going crazy…singing to himself in the apartment…i ditched him after 5 minutes of negative conversation…i don’t want him sabotaging my house hunt…he knew all about “sandy” and advised me not to move there or “i’d be killed”…it’s the only registered boardinghouse in princeton…he claims he’s checked every room out…and he doubts my lie about the “letter” i received from princeton human services…he’s right…i need this in writing…he claims that he found a place to move…sure…
reloaded on dip and toilet paper…
karaoke night @ the ivy inn…shall i do ANOTHER version of “oh! darling”?…people are getting bored of me by now…i should pick a new song…”back in the USSR”?…hopefully there won’t be too many regulars there…and hopefully it won’t be raining…i need to get laid tonight…
11 october:
another night @ the ivy inn…before i left i was sure to send out emails for show booking…i started work on the “be my andromeda” drum track…then i chatted with damkani as i walked to the ivy inn…tried calling up rolls, larnald, roboray, and fisher to no avail…at least i’m admitted to the ivy without having to show ID…
i sang “oh! darling” and “back in the USSR”…well-received as usual…i also spent $14.50 at the bar (including a $4 tip)…and all i drank was 3 budweisers (the third wasn’t even finished…i just bought it to reach a “$10 minimum” for debit cards)…i bummed cigarettes (but i also sang my heart out for the crowd)…one mexican dude was smoking from a portable vaporizer…the bouncers didn’t seem to mind…he wouldn’t even offer me a hit…
i was really only trying to make the girl “torry conte” jealous…the sexy eurasian that wouldn’t even give me her phone number the week before…she was with a fat drunk friend…from hamilton NJ…she wouldn’t even give me a cigarette (“it’s my friend’s pack”) as she was chatted up by some short bearded dude…possessed with a sarcastic low-pitched voice…even my karaoke performance left her unmoved…the regular black fag started befriending everyone and attempting to block me out of conversations…at least tara would look me in the eye…she was plastered as usual…instructed me to give her a quick kiss on the lips…
i met a brunette blue-eyed chick named “luna”…i told her she was the moon…she said “you should try out for american idol!”…then she had to “leave”…i could do better anyway…
met a married muslim chick (with glasses) accompanied by her muslim friend…she said “i’ve been admiring your karaoke performances since this summer!”…i gave her my number…i doubt i’ll ever see her again…
i eventually started talking to two young hippies in hoodies…they were probably the cutest girls in the bar…the blonde one was named “ann”…she started chatting with a 21-year-old surfer dude…he was accompanied by a bunch of male friends…the craziest one of the bunch was a fan of mine…you could smell the dope in his backpack…
ann offered up her house for dope smoking…it was somewhere off nassau street…the surfer dude said he’d wait for me as i retrieved my guitar from the back of the bar…of course i ended up having to chase them down nassau street…the crazy dope dealer of the bunch was running on top of parked cars and kicking over street cones…and I’M the one who’s repeatedly stopped by the cops!…
we were supposed to “be quiet” (as she had roommates) but of course we didn’t…i started chatting up a decent brunette named “christina”…21-year-old student @ mercer county college…an aspiring “singer”…i impressed them with renditions of “santeria” and “blackbird”…then all the other dudes wanted to play my guitar…what else is new?…the surfer dude rolled a big beautiful joint and we passed it around…christina and i sat on the floor…we ashed into a candle holder…the dope gave me extreme cottonmouth but i was too frozen stoned to get a drink of water…and the crazy dope dealer had mistakenly ashed into christina’s cup of water…i had taken a piss in the backyard earlier in the evening…i think the dope negatively affected my game (for once)…i suddenly became withdrawn and stopped pursuing christina…i felt like the “lone wolf” all over again (the only one who didn’t have pre-existing friends in the circle)…ann turned EDM (“electronic dance music”) on the stereo and i tried my best to noodle along…it wasn’t the same…
finally the dudes left and i was sitting on a couch next to ann and the 2 other girls…she claimed that she “needed to be up @ 6am”…which meant she was probably staying up all night…she suggested we go on the front porch and smoke a cigarette…i got the strong impression that they wanted me to leave but i was stone frozen…i asked if i could crash on the couch…the other hoodied girl had already claimed it…at first i assumed she was dating some geeky asian dude at the bar but then she showed up later with a tall bearded dude (maresco?)…christina was preparing to drive home…i should’ve walked her to her car but i missed the opportunity…i requested a cup of water from ann…then i walked into the night…paranoid that a cop would pull me over (even though i’d done nothing wrong)…i had no idea where i was but i “felt” my way back to the house…arrived sometime after 4am…then i pigged out on pretzels and hummus (mixed with a healthy dose of grape jelly)…and the rest of the indian leftovers…
fell asleep to a narcissistic black man rambling on about the disintegration of african-american culture…john the drunk texted me @ 5:30am and asked me to turn the “TV” down (even though i was watching it on my iMac)…
slept from 4:30am to sometime after noon…didn’t get the day started until 1pm…an overcast day…feels oddly comfy…
the congestion + cough isn’t quite as bad today (though it’s still there)…half a bottle of vodka / half a tin of dip left…i wonder if i should go out tonight…
12 october:
working my way through the “ultimus romanorum” album…still much to be done…currently reworking “roman candle”…
bought a pack of marlboro reds from mccaffrey’s…chatted with champ on the phone…he’s staying in and cooking himself dinner…
so i finally bit the bullet ’round 8pm…loaded up on a 24-pack of budweiser and lots of food @ mccaffrey’s (foot-long roast beef sub / scandinavian potato salad / snickers bar / tropical citrus vitamin water)…$16 in all…i ate it in one sitting…then i passed out until midnight…meanwhile john the drunk kept calling me…he finally gave up and texted me: “you really are a piece of shit”…i texted him back and told him i’m tired of his bullshit…i can’t wait to be away from him…i’m sure he saw the message by now…i think he went into the kitchen from the basement and stole my bag of pretzels…time to ignore him completely…
still no word from donna…guess the oakland street house is my best bet now…
shall i go out? or save it all for tomorrow night? friday night doesn’t seem to be happening ’round here…
i didn’t go out…i’m mixing my budweiser with the rest of the vodka…chewing secondhand dip…and smoking like a fiend…better get ready for tomorrow…
i’m working my way straight through “ultimus romanorum”…taking a bunch of healthy shits…only because the suit pants i’m wearing were the same ones from seventh grade…they’re a bit tight at the moment…forcing my bowels to move…i took a shit at dunkin donuts…the lock on their bathroom door doesn’t work…stole more toilet paper…loaded up on another can of dip…talked to the nigger cashier about dip…he seems to dig me…
john the drunk was out by 8am…working on some guy’s house in south jersey…he’s trying to flip it…bought it for 40K and trying to sell it for 100K…now he’s drinking labatt’s…he denies calling me a “piece of shit” (he said he was trying to text his friend “tim” that wouldn’t give him a ride)…i ran into him @ 4pm…he made $80 for the day…now he’s knocking on my window again…i’m way too friendly…
the landlord posted another letter to my door…reminding me that i owe him $1549 (plus my utility bill)…i saw him as he was pulling out but he thoroughly avoided me…
13 october:
so i ended up getting loaded on budweiser and dip last night…went through my bottle of vodka (which i mixed with the budweiser to great effect)…once i made my way through “ultimus romanorum”, i became aimless…i started drunk dialing…got the old man on the phone (though the connection was crackly)…even cheryl wouldn’t answer my calls (even though her voicemail tells me she’ll “return my call promptly”)…i sent out erratic youtube links to family + friends…no response…
so i headed out sometime after midnight…first to the alchemist and barrister…slapped lisa a high five…she didn’t seem angry at me…some blonde chick gave me a cigarette but she didn’t want to hear my music…i finally sat down next a black dude…it was his 25th birthday…(908)812-3912…i got a glass of water from the bar and began dipping as we sat inside with his friends…all male (of course)…some bearded dude was talking a lot of bunk about being a “prison counselor”…he seemed to take great pride in this…as we talked, he made it quite clear that he was an ex-junkie himself and merely attracted to the criminal element…finally the black dude, the bearded dude, and i headed to the black dude’s car…he offered to smoke me up at his house in south brunswick…he said he’d drive me back…but i didn’t want to give up on the night that easily…i convinced them to head to the ivy inn with me…the bearded dude followed but he didn’t go inside…i had to use the ATM ($2.50 fee) to pay the $3 cover…
some shitty middle-aged band was performing (of course)…i bummed cigarettes on the patio…the black dude bought me a stella artois…i promised to get him laid…but he became disillusioned after a while as i ignored him to pursue chicks…he finally left…wouldn’t even give me a goodbye hug…said i “couldn’t look him in the eye”…
so i ran into the same group of 21-year-olds from thursday night…the leader of the pack told me that “ann” kept texting him…and the bearded dude got with her friend…i should’ve made a move on christina…i offered up the princeton house as an ideal venue for dope smoking…but they left without me anyway…got the leader’s #…(908)285-5228…
people wanted me to get onstage and perform but i didn’t want to cause a fuss…tried chatting up two chicks from spain (who weren’t very attractive)…played “helter skelter” while standing up…they seemed impressed but they were surrounded by other dudes…so i played “santeria” in the patio near the front parking lot…mostly dudes…two brunette chicks were impressed…i gave them both CDs…one of them had seen me performing at the alchemist + barrister…the bespectacled dude who i bum cigarettes off gave me a compliment about my music…so i gave him a CD…some doubting thomas questioned whether i “really” had a band…
i bummed a “ride” off the two brunettes…really i just wanted to see if i could hook up with them…when i saw that wasn’t going anywhere, i just lied and said we were approaching my house…the time was now 2am…so i decided to head to the frist campus center…played my guitar outside…gave away two CDs to a cute eurasian chick and a black chick…i gave the eurasian chick my www.jogajungle.com URL (into her iphone)…then i saw monica marinescu and a cute romanian friend…i had trouble recognizing her at first but she remembered me…they offered to listen “for two minutes”…when i went inside the frist, i noticed the lack of security guards…that was a relief…i ended up following some blonde chick as she chatted on the phone with her “ex-boyfriend” anthony…she wouldn’t even listen to my music…
i made $1 in tip(s?)…
finally it was just me and “charles”…a bespectacled princeton freshman from london…and an “athlete” (that’s why he didn’t smoke cigarettes)…he seemed a lot older than 18…he was waiting for a chick and enticed her to come by promising her i’d play her a song…since he was british, i chose “don’t look back in anger”…finally a blonde shows up…she’s american…they seem to dig the music…i go on his smartphone and makes sure he adds me as a facebook friend…i never receive the request…i tell them that i’m from outer space…i tell her that she should bring a friend next time…i lie about working at the institute for advanced study…
then i took the long walk home…dipping all the way…expecting to be pulled over by a cop at any point…i had barricaded the basement door with a chair so that john the drunk wouldn’t be able to access the first floor…then i passed out until noon…still no word from donna…i guess i’ll be moving in with dorothy…
half a can of dip and 12 beers left…that should take me far…i wonder if i should eat today…i didn’t eat yesterday but i’m still taking healthy shits…
still coughing…all those cigarettes probably didn’t help matters…although the more i drink, the less i cough…
and i lost my guitar tuner (or some prick stole it)…so i had to go to mccaffrey’s and spend $5 on 4 AAA batteries (luckily i have a spare tuner)…then i loaded up on a 24-pack of budweiser and a can of dip…then i returned to the house to take a nasty beer shit…i’m still not hungry…let’s go two days without food…
i’ll probably need more toilet paper soon…
and my spare tuner can’t tune guitars without a plugin…guess i’ve gotta tune my acoustic from my electric…i’ve really gotta get this acoustic pickup fixed…
15 october:
“moving day”
the only ones who seem concerned about my well-being are champ, cheryl, and AI…they all called…got myself another can of dip…i drank through the 24-pack…tried my best to work on “uncle bob’s basement”…finally finished the basic instrumental tracks by midnight…john the drunk called me up to complain about the electric guitar tracking…he’s been sneaking up from the basement staircase to “check his mail”…keeps asserting that he has a right to the first floor (then why doesn’t he have a key?)…he noticed the chair near the door (“it wasn’t there yesterday”)…he suspected me of locking him out (though he also suspected lisa)…he noted that eric paul has stopped delivering him the mail and taking out the garbage…so it’s up to him now…we’re both scrambling to find new places…he asserts that the landlord isn’t allowed to come here tomorrow without 24-hour notice…we’ll see…
i ate two pepperoni slices and passed out ’round 1am…found it hard to drag myself out of bed @ 9am…now i’m overwhelmed with work to do…cheryl will be here @ 2:15pm…i’ll just have her pick me up at the princeton human services office…perhaps dorothy can give me a ride to the office after our meeting…
i need toilet paper…
now i’ve got major swampass…and i probably smell like shit…the alcohol/nicotine withdrawals will hit soon…just when i need my concentration the most…
so i met with dorothy koehn @ noon…she seems a bit flaky…her old man foreign “builder” julius was fixing a ceiling in the german girl’s room…she’ll be here for 6 weeks…27 years old…a princeton student…
dorothy seemed familiar with princeton human services…they’ve funded some of her previous tenants…her daughter is a junior @ NYU…she’s got an apartment in greenwich village (on saint marks)…she wants to work with the deaf…i don’t think she has a boyfriend…dorothy only mentioned an ex-boyfriend…dorothy will be back and forth from cape may…her “husband” wrote up the lease agreement…only it wasn’t really a “lease”…just a “short term rental agreement”…i didn’t have a lot of information available…don’t know the “address” of bank of america…don’t know my account number…don’t know my previous landlord’s phone # (and don’t particularly want to give it to her)…don’t know the address of my “current employer” (princeton tutoring) nor do i know kevin wong’s phone number…i don’t even really work there now…
i held off on signing the lease until “elisa neira” approved it…dorothy gave me a ride to the office…her dogs came along (of course)…first we went to ace hardware to pick up nails for her builder…
the 3 guys upstairs are in their late 20s…one is from china…he teaches the chinese language @ princeton…one works with a political consulting firm…one works for bloomberg…they all seem pretty boring…
cheryl is late (of course)…she’s going to bring extra packing materials…
16 october:
moved in…
went to lunch with cheryl @ bon apetit…got two tangerine spritzers / tuna salad hard-boiled egg olive spread sandwich (though i hate olives) / terrible hummus chips (with sea salt)…
went to the hardware store…asked the paint man how to fix the hole in the wall…he told me just what christopher did…we’ll need to go to home depot for materials…cheryl bought me cleaning materials…
i went back to the house and started cleaning…ripped down the entire collage after taking pictures…john the drunk came through the basement door and saw me unpacking…i lied and told him i was moving into my deceased grandmother’s house…he was very upset…
@6pm elisa called me…she had already talked to dorothy…she said that dorothy misunderstood my situation…she thought i was working for princeton tutoring and getting a “stipend” from princeton university…elisa also expressed doubts about the “legality” of the rental…she told me there was an “80% chance” that the funding would be approved tomorrow…
i finally returned to the house by night…elisa was fixing up the first floor bedroom with her friend “hannah”…an old divorced jewish landlord…i cleared things up with dorothy…hannah told me i looked like jesus christ…but once i left the room, hannah began badmouthing me…she said that she didn’t feel safe with me in the house…this caused an argument with dorothy and hannah stormed out in a huff…i found out later that hannah was living on dorothy’s first floor for free over the past 6 weeks…
i slept through the next day…
@ 4:30pm elisa called me (after i called twice and left a voicemail)…she told me i didn’t qualify for rental assistance because it wasn’t a “legal rental”…i didn’t understand what she was saying…hopefully dorothy and i can work this out tomorrow…i’ll call her @ 9am…
17 october:
called elisa @ 9am…left a voicemail…
called elisa @ 11am…she told me to drop off a new lease and she will forward it…we simply changed the lease from “3 unit” to “2 unit” and dorothy left an explanatory note…by the time we arrived @ the office, elisa was “out to lunch” (this was before noon)…
elisa called me ’round 4pm…she told me the lease was again rejected…since the landlord is living on the first floor, the room is not a “registered rental”…dorothy explained that the landlord is sent a “biannual” form to declare whether or not the landlord will be living in the unit (“unregistered”) or will live off premises (“registered”)…if the unit is registered, it is subject to inspection…in the past, dorothy has had the “unit” (meaning “first floor”) “registered” but this september 15 she declared it “unregistered” since she’d be living in the common area periodically to oversee repairs (with her hungarian builder “julius”)…she’ll be going back and forth to cape may…the basement rental seemed to be “illegal” all along…
i’m becoming involved in a scary kafkaesque nightmare…i left a voicemail for “william drake” (the fire inspector)…elisa is becoming more and more of a bitch…she wants to subject dorothy to “derrick bridger” at the zoning board…dorothy will have none of it…she wants to get elisa in contact with “daniel” (the former head of the rental inspection department in princeton)…he used to conduct inspections of her first floor while it was still “registered”…unfortunately he no longer works for the township…
another complication…there used to be princeton “township” and princeton “borough” before they merged…this complicates matters in terms of housing registration…and “sandy” (who plays some other role in rental regulation) is serving jury duty until next week…then there’s “katherine”…she’s elisa’s boss…and another “bill” is her boss…dorothy talked to katherine…she was nasty with her until she finally worked her over…and now katherine “seems” to be an ally…she’ll try to handle things tomorrow…elisa promised to put together a “meeting” on monday between the various heads of departments to resolve this issue…i asked her why the meeting couldn’t be put together tomorrow…she said “one of the parties” would be out of the office…ever hear of a phone conference? or a group e-mail?…dorothy doesn’t want to wait until monday…she has to go to cape may to fix a leaky roof…and she also doesn’t want me staying here rent-free…she jokingly offered to host me in cape may rent-free…hmmm…elisa offered to “put me in a motel” (where they charge by the hour)…the fucking cunt…
dorothy has hosted two tenants from this program before…one of them stayed for 2 years (a “schizophrenic” named katherine)…the other man was a 40-year-old diabetic / drug addict / backup singer…dorothy tells me she still has katherine’s lease…this was from 2002…(the rules probably changed since then)…she also rejected a third tenant from the program (because she heard that he had substance abuse problems)…
i can’t focus on anything until this matter is resolved…it’s been 3 days of limbo already (and it feels much longer)…i’m filthy…i haven’t been showering…wearing the same pair of sweats…operating from my laptop…sleeping all the time…catching up on television (there is a FIOS tv down here without any of the premium channels)…but television gets boring very quickly…spending the last of my money on food…the young black cashier @ mccaffrey’s gave me too much credit for my mccaffrey’s card so i saved money there…i should’ve tried going for the entire $23 purchase…a foot-long roast beef sub / snickers bar / salt + vinegar chips / white bread / peanut butter / jelly / tropical citrus vitamin water…i’m down to my last dollar now…going to live on peanut butter + jelly sandwiches for the next few days…gotta register for food stamps…
i’m operating from my laptop…the keyboard and mouse operate like shit…i should really go out tonight (but i probably won’t)…maybe that’ll force me to clean up my act…i wish things would go smoothly for once…
spent grandma skip’s last dunkin donuts card on a small iced coffee w/ sugar, toasted everything bagel with cream cheese, toasted sesame bagel with butter…$6.58…i was 18 cents short but riddhi let me slide…then i bought a footlong ham+cheese hoagie @ mccaffrey’s for under $7…
the booze + nicotine withdrawal didn’t quite happen…i had two beers tuesday morning and haven’t drank since…and that was the last time i dipped as well…i suppose it’s easier to withdraw from beer than vodka…i can’t afford it anyway…’til next time…
18 october:
i got a call from elisa @ 11am…she had just talked to “dan”…he had just reached out to “derrick”…so dorothy called derrick…she ended up getting hysterical over the phone, alternately sobbing and screaming…finally derrick agreed to inspect the first floor @ 4pm…he arrived sometime before 3pm…he arrived with a mysterious middle-aged man in a business suit…they didn’t even enter the house…they merely presented dorothy with a form to fill out…requirements for “roomers”…we are in compliance with them…and she has to make a copy of her driver’s license (along with an october utility bill) as proof of her residency…we’ll drop it off first thing monday morning…then a health inspector will need to come by to ensure that we are in compliance…
the german girl won’t be here until 8pm tomorrow night…when the health inspector shows up next week, i’ll need to pretend i’m living in her room…only then will this nightmare be over…if all goes well, elisa will sign off on the forms and dorothy will head to cape may…and if anika is attractive, then i’ll pounce…
19 october:
i really need to clean up my act…all i want to do is unpack and start making music again…i want to make sure my hard drives still work…
cheryl has been sympathetic…elisa checked in on me @ 4pm (just to make sure i wouldn’t have to be put up in a motel this weekend)…dorothy has been hosting me for free…i’ve been jacking off and watching TV…i’m totally broke…without booze, i’ve turned to food…sick of peanut butter + jelly sandwiches…shredded wheat cereal…i’ve taken to swiping dorothy’s “emergency food” in the basement…red kidney beans and lime soda…
without any purpose in life, i turn to sleep…no desire to hit the town…
dorothy told me to avoid going through the basement door…she’s paranoid about someone seeing me enter there…even though she doesn’t seem to mind me using it as a studio…this “rental assistance” program is fundamentally flawed…once a prospective tenant informs the landlord that he is entitled to up to $1000 monthly rent, the landlord has the incentive to claim the full $1000 monthly rent…at least dorothy removed the listing from craigslist…
dorothy admitted to me that when she first met me, there was something about me that “made her innards crawl”…what the hell?…i thought that we bonded from the first meeting last week…she seems to support my music…but she still seems to question why i’m reliant on rental assistance…she looks a bit like joni mitchell (although her old photographs reveal that she was never much of a beauty)…she had her daughter at age 35…she and her husband traveled europe for years before settling down…she met him when she was out to dinner with her girlfriend…she was 17…he was 30…he worked in “research + development” (on the “sales + marketing” side)…at age 52 he succumbed to alcoholism…just like his old man…he retired and “headed west”…he sounds like a good german…
the big dog is “chip”
(age 9)
(mixed shitsu and terrier)
dorothy is growing more attached…i have to make sure the rent checks start coming in before i turn her away sexually…otherwise it’s a 27-year age gap…she drove me to “mountain lakes” today for a hike…straight down valley road (although she took the long road down nassau street)…
i spent my spare change on a steel reserve…watched the princeton high school football team get beat up by an unnamed black team…i really need to get laid tonight (but not when i feel so unsettled)…
20 october:
so i finally “cleaned up my act”…i also set up my computer and hard drives…i really need to get this housing arrangement settled tomorrow…
anika arrived at 11pm last night…she’s cute (but i didn’t get a good look at her)…
instead i headed to the alchemist + barrister…of course lisa and her boyfriend were there…i bummed two rolled american spirit cigarettes off some irish guy named “cullum”…i’d met him several weeks ago…he was chatting with two american schlumps (“colin” and “jake”)…colin was a single father raising a 2-year-old…jake worked at a dairy farm / butcher shop…it was a thoroughly boring conversation and so i departed for frist campus center by 1am…it had been raining so i couldn’t sit outside and play guitar…and i wasn’t in the mood to play indoors…instead i wandered around until my hamstrings were sore…i noticed “charles” (the english bloke from a few weekends ago) walking with another girl…he still hasn’t sent me a facebook friend request…i saw “tess o’meara” (without her boyfriend)…she was accompanied by two dudes…she didn’t seem very happy to see me…without booze, i was quite passive…i’ve done this routine enough times and i haven’t reaped any rewards…i saw some big dude break a lock on a bicycle as i stood outside frist…i fooled him into thinking that it was my bicycle he was trying to steal…finally i got paranoid about “campus security” trailing me…i should’ve been bold and sat on the steps to perform my music…to hell with them…they already think i’m shit anyway…
i spent the last of my money @ “varsity liquors”…at least they don’t have a $10 minimum on debit cards…got some country time lemonade / pint of barton vodka / 24oz bottle of corona extra…took a bunch of healthy shits today (from eating all of those peanut butter + jelly sandwiches)…i noticed that dorothy had moved some of the food…perhaps she’s suspicious of me swiping food from downstairs?…i already brazenly take swigs from her apple juice upstairs…some things never change…
there was a cricket in the basement (dorothy thought it was a bird and she wanted to save it)…dorothy also told me she saw a small mouse in the kitchen…here we go again…
called a bunch of “friends” to no avail (AI / champ / rolls / larnald / michael morton brown / kellogg / etc)…sticking with facebook chat for now…
i realized that i can get my mouse working again by plugging it into the USB hub and using the plastic-wrapped hard drive box as a surface…
i’m still incredibly horny…
21 october:
so i got most of the vocals done for “uncle bob’s basement”…i put all of my alcoholic energy into the recording…still mixing them down…and now i’ve even set up a camera to film vocals…this is a far better setup than the last bedroom…
then i got cranky…started drunk fb messaging…probably turned off quite a few females…abigail crowley thinks i’m a “freak” for flirting with her friends…even though they’re all into “edm” (despite liking john mayer + justin bieber)…they despise my music…i couldn’t even get a good honest flirtation going…what has happened to me?
i did get through to christine fisher when i called from a restricted #…she told me she was “with her boyfriend” and quickly hung up on me…other than that, i crudely came onto the lambertville girls…roboray ain’t moving to new brunswick anytime soon…
dorothy cooks gourmet meals for her dogs…she offered me a plate…it was some damn good chicken…i’ve become one of her dogs…just like emma used to consider me a “pathetic puppy” for waiting around until she came home from school…
i ventured out to the ivy inn to meet “kelly ryan”…she turned out to be a plump middle-aged redhead…i gave her ANOTHER CD…she claimed to be booked through the new year…i bummed a cigarette from a cute girl…her boyfriend is in a “jam band”…some tall dude bought me a bud light…he and she discussed farming techniques…i felt left out of the conversation…i ran into “stella” (the busty brunette from several months ago)…she didn’t seem very happy to see me…she was shooting pool with her friend…the bar closed well before midnight…i bummed a cigarette in the parking lot…then i bummed another cigarette off a chinese dude in front of hoagie haven…the rest of the group headed to new brunswick…
when i got to the house, i realized that i’d forgotten my key…i was forced to walk through the common room (where dorothy sleeps)…i woke her up as the dogs started barking…another fuck up…i ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and passed out sometime after 1am…now i’m up before 8am…time to play the game…
still awaiting the fallout from my facebook rampage last night…champ will probably complain that i “insulted” one of his former classmates…and abigail crowley will complain to her parents (and the police) that i’m “harassing” her 16-year-old friends…
i got back to dorothy @ 9am…she was sitting in her pajamas on the front porch…she seemed to be having second thoughts about going through with the lease…over several cups of coffee (and orange juice), i talked her into going forward with the plan…we headed to 400 witherspoon to the zoning office…we had to walk the dogs first…dropped off the paperwork before noon…derek bridger was “at a funeral”…
cheryl arrived sometime after noon…we headed to nino’s pizza star…i got a slice of sicilian pizza and a lemon-lime powerade…she bought me a breaded chicken cutlet sandwich from A+G deli…then we went food shopping @ mccaffrey’s…this should last me for quite some time…also picked up some benadryl for a quick fix…
chatted via phone with AI + rolls…AI told me he’d “try” to post images for “we must protect the young” tonight…missed calls from champ and landlord sandy…i’m still getting calls from restricted numbers…seems that dorothy has made enemies of all neighbors…
dorothy has ice in her freezer…
i prepared to temporarily “move in” to anika’s room…she is in an intensive biology program down the street…i noticed from her pictures that she’s not very attractive…and she has a boyfriend…
when i returned, i chatted with dorothy…derek bridger informed her that we forgot to include a “floor plan” of the first floor in our paperwork…i drew one up for her and we headed back to the office before it closed @ 4:30pm…derek bridger was there…he informed us that “there’s a problem” and summoned us to the conference room…
turns out that the ordinance that he referenced in our “inspection checklist” only applied to “single-family or semi-detached” homes…there were no provisions for “two-family” homes…the house is in princeton township…if it had been in princeton borough, we would have been fine (even though the township + borough have already merged)…
dorothy came up with a solution…she’s going to rent the first floor to me…she’s going to declare her cape may home as her “primary residence”…even though she’ll be up here all the time working on the house…she wants to limit the lease to 15 january 2014 (even though we are writing a 12-month lease)…we’ll have to draft an agreement for mutual break of the lease…she also wants me to leave the house during the last two weeks of december…her daughter and two friends are returning to the house and dorothy will be sleeping downstairs…
we went to the princeton human services office and i met with elisa…i informed her that we had just met with derek bridger and he approved of the arrangement…i told her that we’d bring a new lease to her tomorrow morning…
she printed out a W-9 form for dorothy to fill out…
she will also need the bank name and account # for the security deposit…her phone # and email address will be on the lease…
dorothy wants me to print out a lease template…she’s too “tired” to write up the lease or fill out the forms now…i want to complete this process tomorrow…with this arrangement, we will not need to arrange for an inspection (since the unit is a “registered rental”)…and i will be allowed to inhabit the house when dorothy leaves…she still doesn’t want me entering the basement through the side door…
put away my groceries…stored my burritos in the upstairs freezer…
we went to walk the dogs on the princeton campus again…she walks the dogs 3 times a day…cooker (male) / tater (female) / aunt bea (female)…
the internet has been on and off all day…bummer…
my mouse scrollwheel is working again…
i’m incredibly horny…
22 october:
now i can’t connect my digital camera to my iMac via USB…i suppose i’ll just upload to my laptop and then upload them to google drive…a much more tedious process…and i can’t “safely remove hardware” when i try to disconnect the digital camera from the laptop…
dorothy already complained about the television being too loud (and it wasn’t even midnight)…i only play the television loud so i can hear it from the bedroom…
champ initiated a videochat…then he abruptly got disconnected…
tried calling back cheryl (after leaving a voicemail)…no dice…
took 6 benadryl tablets as i unpacked…i’m all settled in…there’s no turning back now…
ate pollyo string-cheese / potato salad / triscuits (tomato + olive oil flavored) / sliced cheese…the blueberry yogurt i bought separates the blueberries from the yogurt…i spilled some on my pillowcase…hope it doesn’t spoil…in any case, i’ve gotta start using proper bedding…and washing my blanket…
gonna have to be sneaky about disposing of booze bottles in the recycling bin (just like i had to do with grandma skip)…dorothy’s ex-husband is an “alcoholic”…it seems that every male she mentions is some sort of “brilliant alcoholic”…i must be another bird of the same feather…
i get nervous about removing USB plugs from the hub…in some cases, it causes all of the hard drives plugged into the hub to “disconnect improperly” (only to reappear several seconds later)…
it seems that i can now plug the mouse into any USB port…is it all back to normal again?
i’m going to start regulating my bedtime…the benadryl should help…i’m starting to feel healthy once again…i’m hoping we get the rental assistance matter settled by tomorrow night…but i’m anticipating another hurdle…
rubbed one out before bed…
the benadryl made me oversleep…i woke up sometime around 10am (after passing out sometime after 1am)…everyone in the house slept well…now dorothy claims her “primary residence” is her property on leigh street in princeton (even though it is a “registered rental”)…she says that this is the property that she claimed as her “primary residence” when she filed her taxes in january 2013…it was only after filing her taxes that she reverted the property to a “registered rental”…
over more cups of coffee, we discussed our strategy…we arrived at the human services office ’round 11:30am…the black lady at the front desk (“denise”) made a copy of the lease…
we handed in the W-9 form and a voided bank of america check (for the security deposit information)…
i reminded dorothy that she needed to put her phone # on the lease…then dorothy made a scene when elisa wouldn’t see us right away…she got into an argument with denise…this prompted elisa (who was in plain sight the entire time) to come to the front desk and inform dorothy that she would call her “in an hour”…so dorothy and i went to walk her dogs…why don’t we walk “aunt bea”?…are the blind immune from the digestive process?
dorothy received a phone call from denise as soon as we pulled into the driveway…seems that we’ve been approved…we’re heading over there @ 2pm to sign the lease…
the check will take 5 days to clear…
so the recycling comes every other monday…which means that the next recycling day is 4 november 2013…and garbage day is thursday…she has two cans for “mixed paper”…
i need some air freshener for the basement studio…every time i take a shit the entire apartment stinks…i’ll have to keep the bathroom window open every time i take a shower to prevent mildew buildup…
dorothy offered to vacuum the basement for me…she also demands some closet space (as she has no closet)…she mentioned that the upstairs refrigerator occasionally needs to “defrost”…and she’ll always be in and out because she insists on using her “house phone”…she already has a “shut-off” notice from PSE+G…oh dear…she informed me that her phone service (verizon) was also interrupted yesterday (that explains the internet connectivity problems)…
gotta figure out how to get food stamps now…
while still in limbo, i decided to eat out of sheer boredom…potato salad…triscuits and roasted garlic hummus…pollyo string cheese…
we went back to the human services office to sign the lease @ 2pm…they made a copy of the lease for my records…dorothy insisted that the checks be sent to the oakland street address (i hope this doesn’t raise any red flags)…i also hope they don’t misinterpret the “$995” monthly rent as “$945” (or else dorothy will insist on opening up a whole ‘nother can of worms)…elisa said i should be “getting a letter in the mail” about an “appointment” next friday…i pretended to know what she was talking about…i thought i’d be rid of her for the next few months…
then dorothy insisted on going to the salvation army to “empty her trunk”…we spent a half hour browsing the “salvation army thrift store”…then we headed to lowe’s where she made some purchases for the home remodeling project…finally we arrived back at the house ’round 4pm…i took another healthy shit…i found some lysol spray in the basement…poured myself another cup of coffee…time to drop 6 more benadryl tablets and see where it takes me…AI ain’t answering his phone…
i need posterboard…i’ve been neglecting my collage art…
dorothy is always on the fucking telephone…she rants and raves about her brilliant psychopathic daughter (who’s not very attractive anyway)…and she locks the door to the kitchen (even though i signed a lease that gives me total control of the first floor)…she’s at my mercy right now…no more mister nice guy…i don’t need anything else from her…i should not agree to leave at all for 12 months…let the joga magic shine…gotta figure out the mail schedule (or else elisa may stop the rent payments if i miss one of her “appointments”)…
the mail comes between noon and 2pm…the left mailbox is for dorothy and i…she has to label each mailbox with names of tenants…she has no posterboard…she leaves for cape may on thursday…i hope she doesn’t ask me to come with her…
chatted with cheryl…she agreed to come on monday (tentatively)…she will bring posterboard and an ipod mini with USB wire (for exercise purposes)…i’ll get a haircut + eyebrow trim on monday…
also found some glass cleaner in the basement…now i can finally clean my computer screen…
time to play the game…
current bathroom reading:
“how to win friends and influence people”
(dale carnegie)
(1936)
dorothy became a “christian” this january when her dog died…
chatted with AI…i’ve gotta be careful about others listening in on my phone conversations…both the neighbors and dorothy are always listening in…even dorothy told me that one can easily hear outdoor conversations from inside the house (just like she told me that the water pipes carry sound waves from the basement level to the first floor through the bathroom)…
my laptop’s mouse keeps freezing…if i don’t opt to “start windows normally” within a specified time period, the system performs an obligatory “disk check”…it seems that my hard drive is fine…
now back to the “ultimus romanorum” album…AI sent me some images for “we must protect the young”…i’ve still gotta get the audio track in working order…he should also send me an e-mail specifying the preferred visual sequence…
where did all my pencils go? the only ones i have don’t have working erasers. i lose pencils more frequently than guitar picks. maybe it’s a sign that i shouldn’t be writing nor making music. i feel like i lost of things during the move…
the pencil i stole from the “somerset department of human services” during my 12-hour “alcohol education” session has an eraser that won’t erase…this is a sign that i won’t ever be able to hide these horrible experiences in the future…
borrowed some pencils from dorothy…her erasers are shitty as well…she’s been through the ringer just like me…that’s why i shock her everytime i walk into the room…
onto “clark cotton”…
once the benadryl high wore off, i decided to eat…roast beef and melted cheese on white bread…triscuits with roasted garlic hummus + cheese…craisins and peanut butter…
then i started getting bitter about old men and young girls…i’ve gotta stop that vicious cycle…
now i’m gonna rub one out and work on “we must protect the young”…i’ll probably take more benadryl later…whatever gets you through the night…
23 october:
took 450mg of benadryl…not a very good high…we’ll see…
(and now i’m all out)
“you make me feel so young” is a very difficult song…and AI couldn’t follow along with the instrumental track (that i so meticulously crafted)…
now i’m composing a slow ballad called “perseus”…i want to finish it by tomorrow…
finally the benadryl wore off…instead of going to sleep i kept searching for may-december porn (and obsessing about old second-rate musicians going after clueless teenage girls)…the same old farts who are still performing and deluding themselves into putting all musicians on “equal footing”…if i can’t clear the stage for myself when i’m trying to book “level 1” gigs to gain momentum, my prime will soon pass me…and then what?…i’d be bitter forever…
so i rubbed out another one…then i pigged out (again)…potato salad / triscuits + cheese + hummus / peanut butter + craisins…now it’s 7:10am…i should’ve just let myself go to sleep when i had the chance…if i had spending money right now, my life would be perfect…that’s why i’ve gotta finish the video for AI…that’ll put $100 in the bank (all of which will go to booze and/or dope)…
sexual desire is my new drug (for now)…
i slept from after 8am – before 2pm…dorothy is home…i was hoping i could’ve swiped some coffee from her…
karaoke tonight?
more complications with the rental assistance…
dorothy forgot to sign the W-9 form…
and elisa had questions about the security deposit amount…i looked all over the property but i couldn’t find her…it was 5:30pm…and she left the dogs in the house…her car was in the driveway (with 3 flowers on the front windshield)…and “cook” bit my hand when i tried to coax him back into the house…i was afraid that i’d be accused of murder…i poured myself another cup of coffee…her cellphone was on the kitchen table…i decided to call julieus…(908)200-1829…he called me back an hour later…by this time i had already located dorothy…she was raking leaves ’round the neighborhood to “relieve stress”…seems as though she’s not leaving for cape may anytime soon…
clark cotton called right when i was getting into recording mode…i said i’d call him back in an hour…
my guitar tuner is so out-of-whack that i’ve resorted to using a youtube video to tune my acoustic guitar…
more healthy shits…pigged out this afternoon on potato salad / triscuits + hummus + cheese / peanut butter + craisins…
i’m too horny to function today…so many musical possibilities that i’m “frozen with excitement”…i’ve gotta commit to certain structures…
24 october:
i’m bored…ate microwave meatloaf on white bread…i’ve gotta clean up my act…i’m going to rework the entire “king of the cats” saga (again)…”sons of zeus” is coming along fine…i got bored and tried to roll a joint by scraping my old vaporizer screens…it was a brief high…until dorothy came outside (for no reason whatsoever)…i chucked the joint (and now i can’t find it!)…not sure she noticed…why can’t she just go to bed?…it’s getting rainy and cold now…the rolland runts aren’t even answering my calls anymore…i’m still horny and cranky…
i wonder if one’s internet cookies were ever used to clear a suspect of a crime?
i’m gorging myself on chunky applesauce out of sheer boredom…
in lieu of drugs, i’m overeating…which leads to copious shitting every morning…at least they are moderately healthy shits…i located the rest of the joint this morning…slept from 4am – 11:30am…got another cup of coffee from dorothy…another beautiful day…i’m going to be depressed once i finish this joint + cup of coffee…may as well enjoy it while it lasts…
then i got bored and started eating again…triscuits + cheese + hummus / peanut butter + craisins…
i hope dorothy doesn’t forget to make things right with elisa…i’m sick of riding her…she was supposed to go to cape may today…
i’ve gotta start working on the “king of the cats” libretto (even though the music is still nowhere near in order)…i’m working on two parallel storylines: “boy E” (the representative of me) and “queen bee” (my female counterpart)…the “queen bee” storyline will both contrast and complement the “boy e” storyline…and it will force me to write from a female perspective…depending on how well i write, this could hurt or help me in the eternal “mating game”…
stealing more coffee from dorothy while she straightened things out with elisa…she sent me a text message ’round 2pm…”finally we’re done!”…i didn’t bother responding…
the door from my basement apartment to the unfinished section of the basement doesn’t lock…this makes me uncomfortable (although dorothy seems to fastidiously respect the privacy of her tenants)…the ceiling in the common room is extremely low…dorothy claimed it was 6 feet 8 inches (4 inches below the 7 foot standard) but it must be lower than that…my head almost touches the ceiling…it gives me a comfy-cozy feeling…i chalk it up to “claustrophilia” (as long as it’s not taken to “touch tunnel” extremes)…i scoured the first floor for pills while dorothy was shopping @ lowe’s…all i found were dog pills…she is a closet wine drinker…i noticed a bottle of white wine in the fridge a few days ago…it’s all gone now…and there’s an unopened bottle of red wine on the counter…i explored the unfinished section of the basement for booze…i found booze stored in cinderblocks…there’s an empty refrigerator in there…IT REEKS…i drank a “saint pauli girl” german lager…i wonder if she’ll notice the missing booze…she claims that she hardly ever drinks alcohol…
this is an OLD house…dorothy purchased the house in 2004…there’s a little mouse in the kitchen…animal lover dorothy “didn’t have the heart” to kill it…she says that there may be mice in the basement come winter…oh dear…she wants to have a “set time” every two days where she can recharge her home phone…she never came down today…she’s always talking to her older sister…and shopping @ lowe’s…
i sent emails to dyke van larnald and AI…i don’t expect a response anytime soon…just like no one bothers responding to my facebook messages…at least i’ll get AI thinking about finishing off the next 5 videos and preparing another set of songs for this eternal recording session (it’s been over 2 years now)…and dyke van larnald is “creative comfort food”…i haven’t seen him in two years…he hardly ever gets back to me…makes me appreciate him all the more…i want him to bring me dope and start writing “maid of honor”…
i need a flashlight…if dorothy turns off the light for the unfinished section of the basement, i can only turn it back on by making my way upstairs in the dark…and what happens when i drop a joint in the backyard in the dead of night?…my cellphone light + camera light are inadequate…if only my iphone was still working…
i wonder why dorothy wants me to move out come january 15…if she’s moving out and wants to rent the first floor, then the bureaucracy won’t be involved (unless they too avail themselves of “rental assistance” with the town)…as it is now, she’s “double renting” the first floor (as anika has a 6-week lease for the bedroom there)…
isabella brereton is getting crazier…must be an annual madness…she’s asking me for stock tips now…
dorothy seems to be the answer to my prayers…i went into the kitchen looking for a flashlight and a corkscrew…i opened two drawers…one contained a working flashlight…one contained a corkscrew…this beer’s got me craving more booze…there’s a 750mL bottle of sutter home 1982 california zinfandel…13% ABV…i wonder if it even belongs to dorothy…or if she’ll ever notice that it’s missing…there’s two more bottles where that came from…if it is aged 31 years i doubt that i’m taking much of a risk by drinking it now…although one never can be too careful as a tenant…theft always catches up to me…then again, i always stole from fellow tenants (like mun hoe)…and he never directly confronted me (he just tattletaled to the landlord)…and the landlord never directly confronted me (he just brought it up in a roundabout way when shaolin’s wife accused me of stealing their dumplings in front of the landlord)…in any case, i can always just bottle it right back up…it seems that dorothy buys her own bottles of wine anyway…
i’ll just recork the empty bottles and put them back in her place…and hope she doesn’t notice until i’m already moved out…hope she wasn’t planning on drinking them for the holiday season (thanksgiving / christmas / new year)…
at this point dorothy is at the mercy of me…the contract is signed…and she will receive a 10K fine if she tries kicking me out…with the loss of 12K in rent, that adds up to a 22K loss…all over a bottle of wine?…i don’t think she’s that foolish…or is she?…she’d probably try to prosecute me for theft…which would only cost her more money in attorney fees and court costs…
she doesn’t seem to pay much attention to details anyway…the typical “absent-minded divorcee”…christine fisher in 30 years’ time…
aren’t i ruthless?
karma payback…the cork crumbled into the bottle…had to pull it out (or rather push it in) with a drink stirrer…i doubt that cork ingestion will cause me much bodily harm…still i tried my best to remove the cork remnants from my wine glass…
there are bugs buzzing about my food products…i’m going to use dorothy’s detergent and fabric softener for my own laundry…i may as well try to get laid @ “karaoke night” (even though i won’t have any $$$ on hand)
i’m in an ideal situation (for now)…at least until dablan tracks down my whereabouts via cheryl…he’ll scare her by threatening a lawsuit against me and then she’ll gladly give up my address…the little coward…
and my right eye “stye” looks worse than ever…it seems to swell whenever i shower…i’ve gotta become more vigilant…
dorothy called to “warn me” about “dead zones” for my cellphone in the basement…she completed the process with the department of human services…she’s not leaving for cape may until monday…i brought down her house phone for her…she’s home again…
so my buzz is all gone…and there’s only a glass of wine left…rolls and AI distracted me with phone calls…at least rolls promises to bring me back denver dope come thanksgiving…although i doubt he’ll risk arrest by carrying dope on an airplane (as it is still illegal in NJ)…magic dan’s done it before…the balls on that little motherfucker…i’ll just have rolls bring me edibles…i’ll be sure to remind him before he departs…that means i have to travel back to watchung…he’ll abandon me for his “WB” at the colorado cafe…then AI killed the buzz by mentioning the “job search”…it’s not like either of them listen to my music on a regular basis…
i spent a good portion of the evening re-formatting my youtube channel (again)
TO-DO LIST:
get plastered
shit / shower / shave
begin treating eye stye
begin exercise regimen (before it gets too cold)
re-enter the mating game
complete 5 “repraise” videos
recruit artistic collaboraters
book live shows
land a record deal
write “king of the cats” libretto
record new music
launch jogajungle podcast
october 28 (monday):
(appointment with cheryl / haircut)
(apply for food stamps)
october 31 (thursday):
HALLOWEEN!
november 1 (friday):
pick up welfare check
november 28 (thursday):
thanksgiving
december 2 (monday):
pick up welfare check
december 25 (wednesday):
christmas
january 2 (thursday):
pick up welfare check
“SAY WHAT YOU MEAN IN TWENTY-FOURTEEN!”
“MAKING THE GREEN IN TWENTY-FOURTEEN!”
25 october:
what the fuck?
so i finished the bottle of wine…brushed my teeth (again)…and got ready to hit the town round 10:30pm…
called the rolland runts + champ to no avail…now rolls has “cory” answering his phone for him…but rolls still manages to call me from “restricted numbers” for his personal amusement…
at least i ran into “brendan”…hopefully he can hook me up with some dope next week…(908)285-5228…he headed out a few minutes after i arrived…at least he gave me two cigarettes…i bummed more as the night wore on…i even drank a floater perched atop the toilet…desperate times call for desperate measures…
my voice felt tired tonight…i sang 4 songs…”oh darling!” / “roadhouse blues” / “back in the USSR” / “santeria”….even though i wasn’t at my best i still got the usual compliments (mostly from dudes)…i bummed more cigarettes…a gaybird named “david” told me i was going “to be famous”…yet even the plain janes shunned me…one indian bitch complained that i “hit her with my guitar 4 times” last time she was there…right within earshot of me…women have been so unreasonably cruel to me over the course of my lifetime…and men have been unusually generous and sympathetic…if only i was a homo, my life would be a whole lot easier…but alas…
i got a glass of water from the bar and headed home…gorged myself on triscuits + cheese / potato salad / peanut butter…even beans + melted cheese on white bread…and more applesauce…hunger has replaced my libido…now what?
fell asleep ’round 3:30am…dorothy called me @ 10:30am…seems her middle-aged jewish divorcee “friend” hannah is subtly threatening to report my “illegal lease” to the authorities after she tried warning dorothy not to sign a lease with me…i’m sick of this daily drama…at least she made me a cup of coffee and glass of water…then i took a giant healthy shit…i’m going to take another one of her wine bottles and get to work…this one doesn’t even have a label…its cap indicates that it’s a french wine…red wine…this time too the cork didn’t come out in one piece…oh well…
dorothy put some of her clothes in my closet…then she had julieus attach the clothes hanger pole to the top shelf “for stability”…she also wants to bring the bedroom chair into the living room…more invasion of my privacy…i like that chair (and most importantly it facilitates the filming of my vocal takes)…dorothy’s daughter and her friend are sleeping over sunday night…they’ll be staying in the common room…mmm…(don’t get your hopes up joga)…figures…she’ll let her 14-year-old daughter form a year-long incestuous relationship with her 69-year-old “uncle” (by marriage) but she won’t allow her now 21-year-old daughter to stay in a house with a 29-year-old tenant…
more coffee and wine…time to record “copycats”…
an endless litany of distractions…from a recharged (yet thoroughly frustrated) libido to bowel movements to belated job offers…”amanda” from sherwin williams called me to schedule an interview wednesday @ noon…i politely accepted the “part-time” offer though i have no intention of working there…they came a little too late…i thought i had a job lined up there 6 months ago…fuck them…(609)921-7007…
why is it that when i have a desire to reach out to people they are never there? and yet when i don’t want to be bothered, they all come at me like flies to fruit salad?
cheryl called me…she’ll be here monday @ noon with all of the objects i require…she may even bring some homecooked meals…
26 october:
another friday night in princeton…
i finished 2 bottles of wine…flirted with dorothy and anika…they were watching james swaggert on television…i exposed his sexual infidelities via my laptop…and then they switched to “downtown abbey”…they must’ve known i was plastered…i couldn’t concentrate on my music…i craved human connection…so i fb chatted magic dan…then i started drunk dialing like a madman…then i pigged out on chicken breast and white bread…and beans melted cheese and white bread…i hope dorothy doesn’t notice the missing wine bottles…
for all my phone calls, i only got in touch with 3 people…all dudes…aidan ireland (still in maine)…he’ll be in NYC next week…i lied and told him i lived in manhattan…jonathan bronston…he’s touring the country on keyboards…rain main ranelli…he’s “acting and modeling” and still living in the ‘burbs (morristown)…i also got in touch with brendan…but he’s a half-hour drive away…
i headed out ’round 11:30pm…right to A+B…bummed a cigarette off a married woman from florida…everyone seemed to be named “jennifer” tonight…then i talked to an asian chick with a yellow hoodie…then i talked to a chef named “randi sabine”…”miranda”? (latin for “worthy of admiration”)…she’s in her mid 20s…a more heavy-set version of katherine elizabeth (who was also there although she wasn’t waitressing)…i bummed 3 cigarettes off her…we made a date for tuesday afternoon…i probably should’ve made the move tonight but i was afraid of rejection…she said she’d bring her vinyl player, some record, and (hopefully) some dope…she’s from bordentown…(732)618-5889…works at a restaurant in princeton…she cooks fish…she seems artistic…and into classic rock…a certified “massage therapist”…good enough for me…
then i made my way to the frist campus center…walked past the eating clubs and bummed a cigarette off a dude holding a pizza…it’s “fall break” @ princeton so the campus center closes @ 10pm all weekend…bummer…so i headed back to the house…i’m very thirsty…water and applesauce…
i hurt myself tonight…my right middle fingernail is down to the nub…and i goofily bit my right inner gum…it never ends…
still working on “copycats”…no more intoxicants left…time to camp in for the weekend…i’m horny…i can’t wait until dorothy’s daughter comes on sunday night…i’ve gotta clean up my act then…i need to go back to watchung on monday and pick up some items from the parental house…then i’m going to fuck randi on tuesday…
since i don’t have a key to my basement apartment, i can’t lock the door from the apartment to the unfinished basement section…which means dorothy can feasibly walk into my room whenever she wants to…but she won’t…
so i pigged out on applesauce and another “bean and cheese” sandwich…jacked off twice…then went to bed ’round 3:30am…and i was up by 7am…time to start concentrating on music again…
still horny…ate the rest of the beans…went back to sleep until 1pm…took a few healthy shits…got two cups of coffee from dorothy…she’s still talking my ear off…at least she didn’t notice the missing wine bottles…her daughter isn’t coming this weekend after all…and anika is a “robot” according to dorothy…she’s in NYC for the weekend with a “girlfriend” (who slept in the same bed as her)…time to work on “copycats”…
dorothy is an emotional wreck…crying on the phone (to her daughter?) all day…still hung up about her “brother-in-law” ‘sexually abusing’ her daughter 7 years ago…julieus is working on a saturday…i took the corkscrew and i’m going to keep it…so what if she notices?…i found more wine bottles…a 1983 stratford california merlot and a sonoma county merlot…”blue wine”…i’ve got nasty gas from pigging out last night…
i recorded the guitar parts to “copycats”…simply fueled by coffee…time to introduce booze into the mix…and get some “repraise” videos completed…
time to complete “copycats”…gotta start cleaning up my act…
27 october:
so after a whirlwind saturday night, i’m back in action…
i drank all of dorothy’s wine…i capped off the night with champagne…taylor brut champagne…12% ABV…and then schloss biebrich german sparking wine…11% ABV…i got way too plastered…i was stumbling all over the apartment…
so i wasted the rest of my saturday night in a drunken stupor…i probably blacked out…i don’t even remember eating…while listening to music ’round 1am, “anika” banged loudly from her floor to my ceiling…twice…it scared the hell out of me…she was with her “tiny german friend” having a sleepover…i went upstairs and commiserated with dorothy…she doesn’t like anika much either…called her a “robot”…anika left a note for dorothy the following morning in the kitchen…requested that “the noise stop” @ 10pm…
i must’ve passed out before 3am…and woke up before 10am…i felt quite refreshed…i polished off the last bottle of champagne…drank more of dorothy’s coffee…she’s a neurotic lonely little lady…crying on the phone all day…then she went downstairs to do her laundry…i discovered a bottle of codeine…a 2007 prescription for her daughter rachel…and since i was already boozing, i figured i may as well take it all down…it felt great…it made me itch all over in the best possible way…finished off “copycats”…the voice felt great…julieus came over the house to drink a beer with dorothy…he’s going to cheat on his wife and fuck her…good for him…i chatted with my usual male friends…nobody seemed to have much interest in me today…what else is new?…there are burritos in the freezer upstairs…may as well finish the “we must protect the young” video for AI…cancelled tomorrow’s meeting with cheryl…only because i forgot that “hair extraordinaire” isn’t open on mondays…she may be able to come tuesday…she doesn’t like driving me around…i’m sick of depending on other people…
took healthy shits all morning…now i feel healthy…i just need to make sure i don’t overdose on codeine…even my eye stye looks better today…
as i inch closer towards my goals, the forces continue to align against me…even my headphones weren’t working this morning…had to wiggle the wire until i got the signal back…
28 october:
so i chatted with all my associates today…the rolland runts…champ…roboray…michael morton brown…left a message for AI…sent out the “copycats” video to the family (no response)…caught up with the crowley clan…i want to hang out with nicholas over winter break…
i’m bugging out about this “PNG”…”department of public safety”…”office of the executive vice president”…
now dorothy isn’t going to cape may until wednesday…we’re getting along fine these days…until she discovers the missing codeine and booze…
finally the codeine buzz wore off and i was hungry…i ate a “breakfast burrito” (even though it didn’t taste very good)…more baked beans…a peanut butter + jelly sandwich…applesauce…water…now it’s time to start off the week right…my libido is weak…and the codeine makes it difficult to piss…i’m losing control of my urinary tract…
i don’t have any more drugs left…which means i need to start working on “repraise” videos for AI…should i blow off the date with randi on tuesday?
the lingering effects of the codeine have me in a bizarre frame of mind…now i’m starting to become paranoid about the “authorities” tracking my IP address and confiscating my computer…don’t these motherfuckers have anything better to do?
rubbed one out before bed…
got a good night’s sleep (even though i was up @ 9am)…slept from 3:30am – noon…now i feel refreshed…made myself a breakfast burrito and blueberry yogurt + peanut butter…more water…dorothy is still fretting about hannah stopping by the house @ 1pm…i got a cup of coffee from her…fb chatting with the same schlumps (such as james chou)…
the eye stye feels even more swollen and painful today…perhaps this is a good sign?
cheryl wrote me a generic “thank you” for the copycats video…although she offered no reaction to the song…figures…
izzy brereton is an “irish jew”…and she wants me to “jam” at “joey delduca’s” studio…the storm never ends…i ate another burrito and a peanut butter + jelly sandwich (i finished off the “crusty” endslice of bread…i crave more booze…i’ve gotta get in touch with elisa soon…get my food stamps…i never got the letter from her in the mail…
i took a nap from 6pm – 8pm while watching FOX news (more tv “comfort food”)…i dreamt about bill o’reilly interviewing jeffrey ross as i was watching TV in the watchung “family room”…in the dream, jeffrey tried to plug an upcoming performance but he was abruptly cut off…
it seems dorothy did go into the unfinished section of the basement…she must’ve noticed the missing wine bottles…oh well…she still seems friendly…drinking more coffee by night (along with ice water)…now her daughter has a musician boyfriend…
john the drunk re-established contact with me…he’s still living @ the clearview house…
“it sucks”…
working on “scaredycats”…
i’m not very motivated today…
i finished the instrumental section sometime before 10pm…
it’s time to create a better version of the “muddy waters” album before the end of the month…
so AI broke his thumb by slipping in the shower…
i hope cheryl will be here tomorrow afternoon…i have no motivation to screw around with randi…i’m just nervous that the department of human services will find out about my “PNG” and subsequently revoke all benefits…
29 october:
i’m working at my computer all day…until my neck is sore…gotta clean up my act…still itching all over…dorothy is still refusing to go to cape may…
no response from cheryl…we’ll see whether she shows up tomorrow…in lieu of drugs, i’m overeating…2 more burritos…another PB+J…more blueberry yogurt…finished off the applesauce…
i didn’t feel like sleeping last night…so i stayed up until 6am blogging…i didn’t require much sleep…easily slipped into a state of euphoria…cheryl called me ’round 11:30am…she arrived sometime after noon…
she made me pork chops…i swiped a half-empty bottle of absolut vodka and a bottle of corona extra…i should’ve swiped more booze but i didn’t want to get caught by cheryl…got my viagra…guitar strings…more CDs…shoes…a 2GB ipod (with headphones + USB connector…i have to start uploading mp3s…some working guitar tuners…she’s cleared out the basement…
so we went to the warren medical center…but it’s closed on tuesdays (only “appointments”)…bizarre…so i noticed there was an “eye center” in the same buidling…cheryl paid $110 for the appointment…the doctor pushed against my eye and claimed that “something was coming out”…then he prescribed me some eye drops and told me to continue with the warm compresses…i have another appointment on november 21 (a thursday evening)…cheryl and i went to walgreen’s to pick up the eye drops…they were over $100…also picked up some posterboard and plastic forks…
vinny didn’t have an available appointment until 4pm…now he has fat middle-aged women working as hair washers…i tipped the lady $2…and angelo waxed my eyebrows…i tipped him $3…i arrived early and cheryl had given me $60 for the haircut…so i walked over to starbucks and got myself a tall sweetened iced coffee…tipped the chubby young blonde barista the spare change…chatted with magic dan…but when i called him back i got a message telling me that the number was no longer in service…no one else is returning my calls…
i returned to the house and took a nap…champ called me…i mistook him for the old man…then i had $5 left over from the haircut $$$…i bought some dip…more healthy shits…
time to get back to the music…i’ll be out of booze soon…i’ll have to wait until friday…my right hand is sore…i’ve gotta clean up my act…and call randi now that i have my libido back…
retrieved my PNG notice…i called up the old man but he never returned the call (even though he called up cheryl a few minutes later)…it was filed on 10/25/13 @ noon…case # 13-1913…i must now contact “paul l. ominsky” (the “director of public safety”)…was this the same officer paul who messed with me last spring?…if so, then it’s good i became friends with him…pominsky@princeton.edu…i’m wondering if i should even rock the boat at this point…
time to get back to my music…
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-30 OCTOBER 2013-
slept from 6am – 2pm…
depressed after running out of booze and dip…instead i gorged myself on the cavatelli + broccoli + chicken francaise (i made sandwiches on white bread)…i ate the cavatelli + broccoli even after dropping it on the floor (as i was quite plastered by then)…then i moved onto blueberry yogurt and rice pudding (out of sheer boredom)…i rubbed one out before bed (also out of sheer boredom)…
fb chatting with the usual jew suspects…michael morton brown…michael rolland…with some gerardo arvalo thrown in for good measure…louis moraga is reaching out to me…the poor fuck…
got some vocal tracks done for “scaredycats” before my 10pm deadline…still need to record harmony vocals and mix the track down…i’d rather record when i have a healthy supply of booze…this won’t be until friday (november 1)…
i lied to randi and said that my grandmother was in the hospital and so i forgot to call her…she seemed to take it in stride…i gave her my phone # and she texted me right away…she’s not really a looker (which is why she is so forgiving)…she’s “busy all week” but is definitely down for hooking up…at least she’s a friend of jogabot…
cheryl called me @ 11am and inquired about my eye stye…the call woke me up from my euphoric slumber…i’ve gotta start treating the eye…i should also clean up my act…
i forgot about my 12pm interview @ sherwin williams…amanda left me a voicemail…i don’t intend to work there anyway…i offered my services months ago and they rejected me…
resorted to coffee and secondhand dipping…more healthy shits…now i’m blogging about my heroes…this could take all day…
the internet connection is still unreliable…
dorothy has booze in the kitchen…i’m tempted to take it…
another lonely halloween…no costume…no parties…instead i’ll hole up in my apartment and finish off the “repraise” tracks…
i’d also like to complete the “king of the cats” album…
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(“scaredycats” / “garcia the cowardly lion” / “schrodinger’s cat”)
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*👨🔬🕵️♀️🙇♀️*SKETCHES*🙇♂️👩🔬🕵️♂️*
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👈👈👈☜*-OCTOBER JOURNALS-* ☞ 👉👉👉
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💕💝💖💓🖤💙🖤💙🖤💙🖤❤️💚💛🧡❣️💞💔💘❣️🧡💛💚❤️🖤💜🖤💙🖤💙🖤💗💖💝💘
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*🌈✨ *TABLE OF CONTENTS* ✨🌷*
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🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥*we won the war* 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥